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Edited by Insane: 7/3/2020 1:44:02 AM
15

Alone.

“Was it me? Did I really do it? No...that wasn’t my fault.” [i] I look up to the sky.[/i] “Why is it rain? I hate being wet...” “You alright there mate?” [i]A man, tall, broad, most likely a hunter.[/i] “I’m fine, just tired. Do I know you?” “No, but your father did. He was a good man. I’m sorry for your loss, especially recently...no man should have to go through what you did.” [i]He seems sympathetic.[/i] “My father? You worked with him then...” [i]I look at him questioningly.[/i] “I did, I knew your father before you were born. He was a dear friend and a great leader...” “Great leader my ass...he could barely take care of us!” [i]I begin to lose my temper.[/i] “If he could’ve spent more time with you he would have! He loved you, and your mother. He may not have shown it all the time, but deep down he cared for you. It wasn’t his fault he was gone all the time. Times have been rough, I wish I could help ease the pain for you...” [i]I don’t reply.[/i] “Come with me boy. I’ll get you some food and we can talk...” [i]He offers.[/i] “Ok...” [i]Is all I can croak out.[/i] [spoiler]Ok guys! This is my first time writing a story here...I’d like all the criticism I can get! (I’m looking at you Aifos...) I’d like to continue writing this and getting better and better. I used to write a lot as a kid, it’d be fun to try again.[/spoiler]

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    [spoiler]Now, in terms of the story, uhh, clearly... it’s brilliant. It’s amazing, and I like it a lot, but there is one critical element that’s missing: it needs a sexual punch-up. We need to get a female lead character in there that [protagonist] can bang throughout the whole [story]. See, one of the problems with Shyamalan’s movies is that they lack a certain eroticism. What if we were to bring, ehhh... an incredibly hot but skeptical female lab partner into the mix, and then that way whenever [protagonist]’s not out bustin’ heads because he smelled crime, he’s back at the lab performing [i]outrageous[/i] sexual experiments on her supple young body. Now, here’s the twist—and there is a twist... ... we show it. We show [i]all[/i] of it. Because what’s the one major thing missing from all action [stories] these days, guys? Full penetration. Guys, we’re gonna show full penetration and we’re gonna show a [i]lot[/i] of it. I mean, we’re talking, you know, [i]graphic[/i] scenes of [protagonist] Lundgren really goin’ to town on this hot young lab tech. From behind, sixty-nine, anal, vaginal, cowgirl, reverse-cowgirl; all the hits, all the big ones, all the good ones—and then he smells crime again, he’s out bustin’ heads. Then he’s back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime, back to the lab, full penetration. Crime, penetration; crime, full penetration; crime, penetration; and this goes on and on and back and forth for ninety or-so minutes until the movie just sort of ends. [/spoiler]

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