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3/11/2015 3:02:41 PM
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It all seems well constructed but I have two harmless criticisms: Get rid of "fades to black" (too cliche) and Jericho sighs/breathes deeply way too many times in a short period. You got your point across early on and all of the rest of the sighing felt unnecessary.
Hope this helps. Seems like a pretty cool world altogether.
English
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Rough draft was all. I go back through later on and spot most of the stuff like you mentioned. I'm fine working on my own for the most part. But suggestions never hurt so thank you.
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I hear you. I certainly know how that process goes. You're welcome.
