Just send Xur a ticket to Never Never Land & tell him it's a way groovy place that have aaaallll the white ponies he can "ride" & walk his @ss out to those cars we got resurrected by in the beginning. Tell him if he stares really hard it'll look like all the car/bus shuttles are sitting perfectly still. Then say "Whoa, weird right!?." Then walk back in and shoot the Cryptard in the spot that makes wheelchairs a more relevant necessity while dancing. Then dance in front of him anytime you see him. Then build a ramp. Tell him Xur wants to see him. Xur's still so fried from the decades of abuse he's in Blowblivion & still sitting in that da|||n car we stuck his goofy @ss in 3 months ago. Sober but just as dumb as the few and rare things that would actually make you throw rocks and sticks or a couple of the lesser valued objects you quickly retrieve from the first pocket you shove your fist into. Then push Crickyarse over the edge Evil Kneivel style & let Xur munch on his leftovers thinking it's the mid flight snack. Xurster has gotta be hungry by now anyway. It's been a long drive...