I got a call, one day. It was a sobering event, learning that my favorite burger joint had lost another employee to homicide. Five Guys was my favorite place. Not just restaurant, my favorite place ever. Out of all the places I've ever been, nobody had ever treated me better. Even though I paid a pretty penny for one of the legendary handcrafted burgers every time I visited, the burger made me feel emotions I hadn't felt since I first played video games, or drove a car. The smiling faces of all Five of the Guys were always cheering me on, and I felt tremendously confident in my burger eating abilities. With that first bite, I always experienced the same wonder and excitement I did the very first time. If my mouth could ejaculate, it would; but only when penetrated by a Five Guys burger. The foreplay is obviously a bag filled with fresh cut French fries. When I read in the news that they were forcing the name of the burger joint to change to Four Guys, I decided to step in and fill out an application. I figured I could be apart of the magic, and be the one handing out tangible happiness to everyone. Little did I know that the last employee was fried in the burger joint. They immediately hired me, and I felt humbled to be apart of the the magic, not even thinking once that this could be my last job. I was too focused on the dream that we all have deep down inside, to cook a -blam!-ing amazing hamburger. I decided that this would be my only chance at stardom. My 15 minutes awaited me as a fry cook at Five Guys, so I took the opportunity for it to be staged in front of a flat top grill. Time past, and I slowly made it to my first day. I trained for a while. I learned how to use a POS system, and even how to fry things. They were really excited to show me the brand new fryer that could "fry a whole pig in 5 minutes". A pool of hot oil encapsulated 6 fry baskets, making it a literal trough of boiling oil. It wasn't until the night that I saw why the fryer was so big, and why it was necessary to all Five of the Guys. As my first shift drew to a close, one of the Guys asked me if I wanted to stay late to do some inventory. He told me that if I agreed, there was no way I could lose the job. I was still processing the day, and analyzing if the job was everything that I thought it would be. I immediately smelled that wonderful smell of French fries on my clothes that I always expected, and agreed simply because of that. As 10PM passed, I noticed less and less effort being put into inventory by the other four Guys. They were waiting for something. I heard one of the Guys moaning and sighing, as if he couldn't wait any longer. I kept asking for guidance, since I had never done inventory. I wasn't met with a response after 10. When 10:30 came, the lights went out. I ducked and got down on the floor. Trapped in the darkness, I heard footsteps scurrying away. The Guys were leaving me. I tried to keep my wits about me, but not knowing my way around the kitchen made me paranoid of my surroundings. I inched towards the bubbling sound of the fryer, since I knew the exit was near. As I made it in front of the fryer I remembered that I had turned the fryer off an hour ago, and the power was out. It was then that I realized that the power wasn't out, and that the Guys had planned for something particularly deviant. The lights flickered back on and I was surrounded by the Four Guys. They were all growling at me, almost like a pack of wild dogs. Each of them had covered themselves in the oil, and allowed it to emulsify on their sweaty skin. They wielded sharpened spatulas, crudely made with some sort of metal grinder. "Five Guys Lies Tries Eat Till My Eyes Speak To Five Guys Lies Tries...", One of them was chanting. He was standing in front of the other Three, holding a menu. He kept the other employees at bay, however taunted me with his chant. Between the growling and the chanting, my sanity was quickly disappearing. I grabbed his oil soaked face and slammed it into the flat top grill, hoping that after the chanting stopped, the others would stop acting like hungry cannibals. His skin bubbled away, and his eyes slowly melted and turned white to the heat of the grill. Blood oozed out of his head as his skin was boiling away, only to touch the grill and coagulate immediately forming solid, scab-like, nuggets of burnt blood upon the grills surface. When his legs stopped twitching, I let him up and dropped his limp carcass on the floor, fearing for my life. The Three guys immediately clamored in joy to see the death of what seemed to be their leader, Almost as if they had expected it all along or had seen it before. They dragged his body to the fryer, howling with laughter. They tossed his body in and kept laughing while I stood there, bewildered by their actions. Sure enough, in 5 minutes an oil encrusted corpse emerged from the fryer, deflated to almost half the original size. I vomited when I saw what a fully fried human being looked like, and one of the Guys grabbed me and made me look as they chopped parts of him up and put them into machine that cut potatoes into fries. "Understand that you are the catalyst, and also the reaction. The earth, and also the universe. The mind, and also the person. What you see is the product of what is greater. Everything that is greater lies inside you, and is what you are." He said to me, over and over, as the body was cut into fries by the other two Guys. When it was all over, and the chanting Guy was fully sliced into French fry form, the lights flickered off again, and I felt myself being carried into the storage cabinet. The doors locked behind me as I heard, "See you for your shift at 9." TL;DR Five Guys is pretty -blam!-ed up. [spoiler]ITT: I think of a title for a multi-part story that made me laugh, so I wrote it.[/spoiler] [spoiler]Bump for night 2, will post at 100[/spoiler] [spoiler]I love you if you read all of it. [/spoiler] Edit: A couple extra gory details added, fixed some spelling/grammar mistakes.