Who gives a crap. We don't care about you, or your -blam!-ing girlfriend.
If this is supposed to be "satire", your grammar skills suck. Rather than make an attempt at humor, work on your grammar skills. It definitely takes away from whatever it is that you were attempting here.
English
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If I were to see you face to face, my face would bash into your face so hard both of our faces would be faceless! Than I would kick OP's puppy! And [i]I would pee on the couch![/i]
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Why so hostile bro?
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Lol. Someone is lonely with nothing better to do XD
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Its not his girlfriend, its his dog. Thus the satire tag.