Just chilling at home one night Eating and fapping like usual This brilliant idea pops into my mind Find phone and get on tinder Uncontrollably start swiping  Every 3rd girl looks like a whale  Likeigivea-blam!-.gif Check phone again 30 mins later About 3 matches Nowtosealthedeal.exe Texting away like shakespeare  Mingle my way down to 1 girl Eventually convince her to come over Looks like a sketchy goth bitch Tells me she'll be here in 10 mins Sound at the door Tell her to come in Evil looking walrus slides into my house Engageawkardness.com Let out a beta conversation starter Bitch starts talking about conspiracy theories Eventually I just go for a kiss As I get closer she directs her mouth elsewhere Mouth is literally up against my earhole She whispers "read the first letter of every Sentence."