I learned how to ninja masturbate when I was like eleven. It's not that hard.

I didn't fap for a week because I've worn out my dick Dam friction

Who the hell jacks off twice a day??

>get keys >to car >in car >whip out le dick >beat meat like it owes you money

Bro think about how explosive it will be when you're back -Jarl

Necrobump

This should be bumped

Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself thay you are an Italian sandwich.

Believe it or not, I've ninja fapped in a tent full of my family when I was a horny 14 y/o. I can go full silent if need be.

You're walking in the woods. There's no one around, And your phone is dead. Out of the corner of your eye you spot him, Shia Labeouf. He's following you About 30 feet back. He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint. He's gaining on you. Shia Labeouf. You're looking for your car, But you're all turned around. He's almost upon you now And you can see there's blood on his face! My god, there's blood everywhere! Running for your life (From Shia Labeouf.) He's brandishing a knife. (It's Shia Labeouf.) Lurking in the shadows Hollywood superstar Shia Labeouf. Living in the woods, (Shia Labeouf.) Killing for sport, (Shia Labeouf.) Eating all the bodies Actual, cannibal Shia Labeouf. Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him, But you're hopelessly lost yourself. Stranded with a murderer, You creep silently through the underbrush. A-ha! In the distance, A small cottage with a light on. Hope! You move stealthily toward it, But your leg! AH! It's caught in a bear trap! Gnawing off your leg, (Quiet, quiet.) Limping toward the cottage, (Quiet, quiet.) Now you're on the doorstep, Sitting inside, Shia Labeouf. Sharpening an ax, (Shia Labeouf.) But he doesn't hear you enter, (Shia Labeouf.) You're sneaking up behind him. Strangling superstar Shia Labeouf. Fighting for your life with Shia Labeouf, Wrestling a knife from Shia Labeouf, Stab it in his kidney. Safe at last from Shia Labeouf. You limp into the dark woods, Blood oozing from your stump leg. But you have won. You have beaten Shia Labeouf Wait! He isn't dead, Shia surprise! There's a gun to your head. And death in his eyes. But you can do Ju Jitsu. (You can do it) Body slam superstar Shia Labeouf. Legendary fight with Shia Labeouf. Normal Tuesday night for Shia Labeouf. You try to swing an axe at Shia Labeouf. But blood is draining fast from you stump leg. He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left. You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck. Your chopping of his head now... You have just decapitated Shia Labeouf. His head toppled to the floor, expressionless. You fall to your knees and catch your breath. You are finally safe from Shia Labeouf.

A week? Seriously? Tell you what-add three more weeks onto that. One month; bit more of a challenge, isn't it? Now you take that month and add eleven more. Bloody hell, right? A year! What would you do? Then here's the final kicker: multiply it by three(drooping the change of days, etc.) Three years. Think of that. Now that's a long time, isn't it? Lastly, imagine it's cause you can't. Why? Nerve and muscle damage. No adult video, no blue pill is coming to the rescue. Roll that around the old noggin for a bit.