I tried to write the most ridiculous little story I could think of and I beat this out in about fifteen minutes. Slenderman Goes to the Farm February 12, 2013 11: 28 It was a bright sunny day in the dark, gloomy forest. Slenderman was tired of doing Slendermanny things. Slenderman decided to visit his local farm, Ryan Farms. He teleported to the farm. There he was greeted by Farmer Ryan, who was the most stereotypical farmer of all. "Ahoy thar Mr. Slendargggman. I'm Faaarrrggggmer Ryan. You can call me Cap'n Ryan, though. Let me take you on a tour of me farm." Said Farmer Ryan in a pirates accent. They went to see the cotton fields first. There were lots of negroes picking cotton. Then they went to see the Cannabis field. "Arg, this be the mary-yawanna. We be sellin it to them thar hippies." Said Cap'n Ryan. Then they went to the mill house, where wheat becomes flour. "Here is where we be refinin' the wheat. We use cheap Chinese sweatshop labarrrrrggggghhhhhh!" Informed Ryan. Then they went to see the cows. "Farmer Ryan, are you going to kill and eat these cows?" Asked Slenderman. "No, these be display cows. The female, cow, is Isabel, and the male, bull, is Edgarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!" Said Cap'n Ryan. Ryan went into all sorts of detail about the cows (which I can't recount here, since I don't know anything about cows and am too lazy) and then told Slenderman an important fact about cows. "Cows are terrorists, Slenderman. They are mobile, live off the land, and produce lots of methane. Terrorists are cowards. Coward starts with cow. Therefore, cows are terrorists. Also, cows have beef. Beef is in hamburgers. McDonalds sells hamburgers. McDonalds is in New York City. NYC is where the 9/11 attacks occurred. Cows are terrorists." "That's just silly." Said Slenderman. Just then a cow exploded, killing Ryan. It was a suicide cow bomber! The cows had escaped their paddocks and were attacking all of Ryan's negroes and Chinese people. Slenderman teleported away. He had had enough fun for the day.