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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.

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Edited by Always Feral: 10/5/2015 4:32:51 AM
179

LORD OF WOOOOLLLVESSSS!!!!

I WAS SITTING ON TOP OF A[b] CRASHED SPACESHIP[/b] ON[b] VENUS[/b], EATING A[b] POWERFUL SANDWICH[/b] WHILE BEING [b]HARASSED [/b]BY A[b] F***ING HOLOGRAM OF PAUL MCCARTNEY[/b] WHEN[b] SUDDENLY I WAS CAUGHT IN A GIANT FIREFIGHT[/b] BETWEEN[b] FALLEN AND VEX[/b]. AS THE[b] BATTLE RAGED[/b] AROUND ME[b], I SHOUTED[/b]: "Paul! PAUL MCCARTNEY![b] PAUL I'M HIT...STOP SINGING AND HELP ME![/b] PAAAAUL![b] MY GUN IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU[/b]... kick it...[b] KICK IT OVER TO ME[/b].... PAUL [b]YOU JACKASS[/b] THROW ME MY RIFLE! I'm losing... shit... I'm losing a lot of goddamn blood..[b].PAUL THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE[/b]... can't find... can't find my f***ing [i]sandwich[/i]... PAUL[b]! THROW ME MY HOAGIE![/b] MCCARTNEY YOU [i][b]FU---[/b][/i]" BEFORE A[b] MINOTAUR CANNON TOOK ME OUT[/b]. [b]THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED[/b]... IF I ONLY HAD A[b] CRAZY BURST-FIRE AUTO SHOTGUN[/b] POWERED BY[b] ALIEN TECHNOLOGY I BARELY UNDERSTAND[/b]! [b]AND NOW I F***ING HAVE ONE! [/b] [b]LORD OF[i] WOOOOOOLLLVESSSS![/i][/b] YOU GET THIS WEAPON FROM [b]A WEIRD ALIEN WITH BIONIC MEATBEATERS[/b] WHO TALKS LIKE A[b] SEX OFFENDER[/b], AFTER[b] KILLING A LOT OF PEOPLE[/b] HE DOESN'T LIKE. Y[b]OU'RE GOING TO DO THIS SHIT ANYWAY[/b] SO THIS [b]EXOTIC DEATHMACHINE[/b] IS JUST A [b][i]BONUS![/i] [/b] [b]THIS GUN IS F***ING POWERFUL![/b] MORE POWERFUL THAN THE TIME I [b]ATE A BRICK OF COCAINE[/b] AND [b]GOT RABIES[/b] FROM [b]TRYING TO MATE[/b] WITH [b]LOCAL BADGER[/b] AND GOT MYSELF BANNED FROM WENDY'S AFTER COMMITTING [b]TWENTY-SEVEN COUNTS OF FELONY ASSAULT[/b] AND ONE COUNT OF[b] BURGER SODOMY[/b]. YOU WILL FEEL LIKE UNBRIDLED, RAW SEXUAL DEATH WITH THIS SHOTGUN IN YOUR HANDS! THIS WEAPON IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A[b] PULSE RIFLE[/b] MATES WITH A[b] SHOTGUN[/b] IN THE MIDDLE OF A[b] RITUALISTIC DEATH-CULT ORGY! [/b] THE [b]RANGE[/b] IS[b] MISLEADING[/b]! THE STAT BAR IS[b] SHORTER[/b] THAN MOST OF[b] YOUR DICKS[/b], BUT THE WEAPON ITSELF HAS[b] LONG REACH AND TIGHT PELLET-SPREAD[/b], LETTING YOU[b] F*** SHIT UP[/b] FROM A[b] LUXURIOUS DISTANCE. BUILT-IN[u] SHOTPACKAG[/u]E AND [u]RANGEFINDER[/u]![i] YESSSS![/i][/b] [b]YOU WILL HAVE AMMO. [/b]SO MUCH[b] F***ING AMMO[/b]. YOU WILL HAVE SO MUCH AMMO THAT[b] THE FBI WILL NOTICE AND SEND AGENTS TO YOUR HOUSE[/b] AND YOU'LL BE LIKE[b] "F*** YOU, [i]TEXAAAAAASSS[/i]!" [/b]AND THEY WILL[b] BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE WITH A TEAR-GAS GRENADE[/b] SOMEHOW AND[b] KILL ALL OF YOUR FOLLOWERS[/b] BY ACCIDENT[b]. THERE WILL BE BLOOD, FIRE AND TEARS. [/b]JUST LIKE WHEN[b] MY WIFE DIVORCED ME![/b] [b]THIS WEAPON IS A FALLEN FLAK SHOTGUN ON METHAMPHETAMINES.[/b] IT HAS THE[b] HOUSE OF DEVILS[/b] SIGIL CARVED INTO IT, WHICH MEANS [b]IT IS POWERED BY A SATAN[/b] AND[b] CONSTANTLY SPEWS FIRE FROM THE END OF IT[/b]! YOU COULD USE THIS FIRE TO[b] KILL A BUNCH OF SHIT[/b], AND THEN[b] LIGHT YOUR CIGAR[/b] WITH THE END OF THIS GUN AND SAY: "It looks like they've[b] Fallen[/b]... [i]and they can't get up[/i] (puts on sunglasses)..." OR SOMETHING ELSE CLEVER... BUT THERE ARE[b] NO CIGARS[/b] IN THIS GAME SO YOU WILL JUST[b] BURN THE F***ING SHIT OUT OF YOURSELF[/b] AND [b]RUIN YOUR BEARD[/b] IF YOU TRY THAT. [b]I AM ASSUMING YOU HAVE A BEARD IF YOU ARE WIELDING THIS WEAPON.[/b] LADIES, IF YOU[b] DO NOT[/b] HAVE A BEARD, [b]ONE WILL BE ISSUED TO YOU UPON COMPLETION OF ELDER CYPHER BOUNTY. [/b] [b]PLEASE WEAR IT AT ALL TIMES WHILE OPERATING LORD OF WOOOLLLVES![/b] [b]IF YOU ENCOUNTER LORD OF WOLVES IN THE CRUCIBLE IN AN EXTREME CLOSE-QUARTERS MAP:[/b] YOU [b]WILL NOT BE SAVED[/b] BY[b] THE HOLY GHOST[/b]. YOU[b] WILL NOT BE SAVED[/b] BY THE[b] GOD PLUTONIUM[/b]. IN FACT, [b]YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED.[/b] [b]ONE BURST[/b] WILL DROP A GUARDIAN. [b]TWO BURSTS[/b] WILL KILL A GUARDIAN AND CAUSE HIS FIRSTBORN TO DIE. [b]THREE BURSTS[/b] AND YOU'RE [b]JUST SHOWING OFF[/b] THAT YOU HAVE THIS [b]MAJESTIC SEXBEAST OF A WEAPON[/b], OR HAVE F*CKAWFUL AIM! [b]BURN EVERYTHING. BURN IT ALLLL. [/b] [b]LORD OF [i]WWOOOOOOLLLVES![/i][/b] Edit: [b]HERE IS THAT GODDAMN HOLOGRAM OF PAUL MCCARTNEY https://youtu.be/163_C5UVU-I [/b]

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  • THE LORD OF WOLVES WAS THE [b][i]BEST F**KING DECISION [/i][/b] IVE MADE IN MY SHORT LIFE. WHEN I WAS GIVEN THE CHOICE BETWEEN THREE OF THE EXOTIC WEAPONS, I CHOSE THE [b]MOST ORGASMIC ONE[/b] I SAW. SO LEMME TELL YOU HOW [b][i]MOTHERF*CKING BADASS[/i][/b] THIS WEAPON IS. FIRST OFF, DON'T LET ITS SHITTY ASS RANGE DECEIVE YOU. ONCE THIS BABY STARTS FIRING, FALLEN HIDE IN FEAR FOR THEIR LIVES. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT IT COMPLETELY [i][b]SHREDS[/b][/i] SHIELDS. HOLLOWED LV 34 WIZARD? TWO BURSTS AND THAT MOFO IS [i]DEAD[/i]. CAPTAIN? THE ASSHOLE'S ARC SHIELD GETS [b][i]FU*KING DESTROYED[/i][/b]. YOU CLAIM THIS WEAPON AND YOUR BALLS ARE INSTANTLY REPLACED WITH TWO PERFECTLY SMOOTH 6" DIAMETER [b][i]BALLS OF TITANIUM ALLOY[/i][/b]. THIS WEAPON WILL MAKE EVEN THE QUEEN'S BROTHER YOUR [b][i]BITCH[/i][/b].

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