Try this: You will need to snort grape jelly off of a homeless man's foot. Then perform a vasectomy on said homeless man. If the police attempt to arrest you, they are dirty cops under the payroll of the Illuminati, you will need to fight them off, the key to defeating the cops is to mix jack Daniels and apple juice and pour the drink into your anus, this will grant you the strength to fight them off using only your penis. After this is completed you will need to locate a goat from Ireland, upon locating a goat you will need to cut off its left back leg, it HAS to be the back left leg. Once the leg has been cut off you will need to travel to India and present the leg as a gift to a blind shaman. He will then gift you with the knowledge to suck it up and not be a little bitch about it.