Sometimes when I poop, I use the shaping attachment from my old Play Doh fun set. I place it on my anus, and make poops in different shapes. There's nothing strange about that at all. I'm an American, living in America, and if I want to have poops shaped like stars, I have every right to. The founding fathers would have wanted it that way. _____________ Here's what you do. Wait until he's passed out, then hide a nickel in his anus. Later, ask him to let you borrow a nickel. When he says that he doesn't have a nickel, pull the nickel out of his anus. He'll think that you're a wizard. Whenever he doesn't want to f*ck, you can threaten to turn him into a frog. _____________ I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy. I found tonight that it is more successful to progressively humm it louder as you perform the ritual. _____________ Look. No amount of 6" bulletproof plexiglass, no fly zones, 24/over 9,000 Secret Service details, concentric rings of bodyguards, etc are going to protect this black person from a team of determined assassins pissed off by the very fact that he's a no good dirty stinkin' cocky bastard Muslim black person who's a fraud. All it takes is one bullet in his brain stem, or preferably, leaving him alive enough to suffer and feel incredible amounts of pain. No amount of security can take that high level of sustained stress and alertness. All the assassins need is one slip. Just. One. Slip. And they are hidden, while the black person's wide open. Protip: it need not have to happen on American soil. Or air for that matter. The Secret Service is taking the clear and present threat very seriously. But so what. This black person's goin' DOWN!!! _____________ In west pedophilia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chilling out, fapping, and posting CP And all flaming some camwhores for they -blam!-ry When a couple of mods who were up to no good Started partyvanning in my neighborhood I got one little ban and my mom derailed And said "I'm gonna call Chris Hansen and send your ass to jail. _____________ I don't give a **** who you are or where you live. You can count on me to be there to bring your ****ing life to a hellish end. I'll put you in so much ****ing pain that it'll make Jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a ****ing back massage on a tropical island. I don't give a **** how many reps you have or how tough you are IRL, how well you can fight, or how many ****ing guns you own to protect yourself. I'll ****ing show up at your house when you aren't home. I'll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You're going to start stressing the **** out, your blood pressure will triple, and you'll have a ****ing heart attack. You'll go to the hospital for a heart operation, and the last thing you'll see when you're being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed like a doctor. When you wake up after being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You'll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home I'll run you over with my ****ing car out of no where and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could ****ing destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I'd rather go to a great ****ing length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing ****ing hell. It's too late to save yourself, but don't bother committing suicide either... I'll ****ing resuscitate you and kill you again myself you bitch-faced phaggot. Welcome to hell, population: you