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#novel

Edited by Sylok's Defiler: 8/21/2015 10:26:14 PM
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A Novel Idea (Writing RD and Critique Thread)

Welcome to the aptly-named Writer's lounge [i]A Novel Idea[/i]. Here, would-be authors, part-time writers, and anyone with a creative mind can share their Rough Drafts of writing and fan fiction. Complimentary links will be created if and when they need to be, but just post whatever you come up with, and let other people voice their opinions on your work. Criticism is always welcome, so long as it isn't straight up slander. Enjoy! IMPORTANT EDIT: for shits and giggles, if you ever feel like writing a story with multiple chapters or long blogs of fanfiction, incorporate this thread in your work as an Easter egg in some way, shape, or form. Example: "why don't we take Bakini Bottom and push it somewhere else?" "Hey, now there's a novel idea." OR "This guy I talked to, he's, uh... He's part of a PMC my organization works with. I forget his name and he's obsessed with old rock and blackjack, but he's one hell of an asset."

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  • [i]Proti Aspida[/i], First fully militarized system, Unknown Galaxy. Inside the Political Building, Central Hub. [b][u]THE INCLINATION:[/u][/b] Helldiver remnants: [i]Kina, Jorge, Harry, Aman, Chenmo, Zhiming, Chao, Hora, Alasi, and Nsoro[/i] Specialist Separatists: [i] Abdul, Katia, Lamesh[/i] Specialist Loyalists: [i]Albert, Solomon, Erin, Harleen, Lada[/i] Political hierarchy: [i]Tarkson, Jameson, Bobert, Thando[/i] ___________________________ [i]THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE [/i] Bob, head of the specialist slams his fist against a nearby refrigerator, severely denting it. [i]This is not the time nor the place. [/i] He looks over the chaos, the decorative atrium of the political building lays in tatters. Eighteen of the highest ranking soldiers in the armed forces were just engaged in a brawl. [i]This is a civilian establishment. I- I don't even, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKIN'[/i] Abdul steps forward. In full combat armor. He walks up the curved staircase, and right up to Bob. [i]What the hell do you think [u]You[/u] are doing sir?[/i] As he says this he drives his finger into Bobs chest, knocking him off balance. Tarkson whaps an open palm against the rogue soldier. Upon impact, his armor disappears in a flash, and the blow carries through, sending Abdul tumbling down the stairs. [i]WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU ABDUL?[/i] Tarkson screams down at the crumpled form, metal clicking in his body his metallic arms twitching with rage. Zhiming yells up to the four figures at the top of the stairs. [i]These three tried to recruit us to join a coup.[/i] The four political powers looming over the bloodied soldiers grow red faced. Thando's eyes flash completely blue, whites and all, and she bursts into a flurry of metallic glittering shards. She flies down at the three traitors. The shards pin them high against the wall above them. Thando materializes below them, her arms held above her, slightly dematerialized. [i]Give me a reason why I shouldn't kill you right now...[/i] The other three have made it down the stairs by now. Tarkson glares at the others. [i]I'll deal with you later...[/i] Jameson places a hand on Thandos slightly dematerialized shoulder. [i]You shouldn't kill them because we're in a civilian facility, and there are dozens of them looking at is right now. Arrest them.[/i] Thando slams them into the floor. Erin, Albert and Solomon rush over to put restraints on them. The three traitor go limp as the sedatives in the restraints kick in. Erin glances at the doors. [i]Looks like the police are here.[/i] Several figures jog through the front doors, weapons raised, and instantly drop their weapons get on their knees and put their hands in the air when they see who was the cause of the damage to the atrium. Jameson chuckles. [i]Heh Heh. Stand up officers, you're taking these in.[/i] He points towards the three on the ground. [i]Straight to foundry belts, no holding cells for them. You five, go with them, make sure they don't have any tricks up their sleeves.[/i] He points to the group of three specialists and two helldivers looming over the prisons. Chenmo looks up and responds, [i]Aye, report to command quarters after we get them there or?[/i] [i]No, you'll be staying at the facility overnight. More commands tomorrow morning.[/i] [i]Aye...[/i] Chenmo walks to the three incapacitated soldiers and waves his arm over them. They float into the air and he walks out of the building with them in a neat stack. The other four, and then the still timid police men follow them out of the buildings grand entrance into the mob of civilians waiting outside. Jameson then turns to the remaining soldiers. [i]You, Zhiming, tell us more about this coup.[/i] Zhiming looks at the rest of the hell divers. They nod in ascent, prompting him to respond. [i]They, were talking about the NEMFM rings. Sir, all due respect, but we should just tell them.[/i] He nods towards the two specialists, and at this, the reminding two specialists glance at each other, unsure of what is about to unfold. Bob steps forward quickly, [i]NO, not under any circumstances.[/i] [i]Sir [u]all due respect,[/u] but they need to know. We're running out of time.[/i] [i]f*ck...fine, we're leavin, and you're coming with us. Now.[/i] The Helldivers and the officials head towards an elevator bank. The specialists remain behind, unsure and confused. Kina yells over her shoulder [i]Yes we are talking about you. Now hurry up.[/i] They pick up their gear and jog to the elevator. Harleen whispers under her breath to Lada [i]Jesus -blam!-, what the hell is going on?[/i] [i]I don't know, I don't know[/i] Lada is pale faced, trembling even. Once inside, Jameson places his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her. [i]Don't worry about it. You'll be fine.[/i] Being a giant, his hand barely fits on the shoulder of the human below him. Lada gulps and responds to her commander. [i]I- I'm ok. Sir.[/i] [i]Good to hear![/i] He straightens up to his full height and chuckles again. A resonating boom is heard far below. Thando and bob both generate armor and grab a hold of as many soldiers as possible in the elevator, ready to take them along for the ride if they get warped out. [i]Holy shit! What was that! [/i] Aman steadies himself against the wall of the elevator. Jameson reaches up and places a hand on the ceiling of the elevator. [i]The transport moving the three traitors got shot. Prisoners are out. The escort crew is in pursuit [/i] Harleen is comforting Lada in the corner. The elevator reaches the hangar level. [i]Everyone out![/i] A gunship is awaiting them, and the entire crew dashes aboard. Jameson looks at the two specialists. [i]I thinks it time you know, that Hell is coming back.[/i] [spoiler]plot, closed, always welcoming feedback[/spoiler]

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