My mother has a Vascular Cardiac Heart disease. The doctors in WI have no clue what kind it is because its attacking both her heart and her arteries. She has had open heart surgery last month and appears better. I live In NC now, and only get to visit her two or three times a year. I have anger problems I get annoyed easily and I jump from calm to angry almost instantly. I also have no idea on how to let go of grudges I hold. I resent my father for choosing drugs, alcohol, and his stepdaughters over me. I resent my exstepfather for abusing me while he was married to my mother. I resent my mother for defending him.... I resent people. I spent years as an outcast. Bullied, shunned, a black sheep. I need to let go of everything, I want to, but I can't. And that hatred I'm feeling all the time. That pure rage that eats at my heart has worked its way so deep into my mind that, the easiest way I can explain it, if I don't feed it it will consume me. And that is what scares me. Not death. Not pain. But loosing who I am to the hatred I feal.