Welcome back to another edition of Saber News Stories. Last week we brought to the table a bunch of delicious cheese and had our head chef give us his expert opinion on whether it was legit or fake. We also showcased a newish toy on the market that was rather fun for the kiddy version but just plain creepy for the adult style. Our final story last week was not so much a story but simply tips and tricks on how to deal with AFKers. In this week’s edition we are going to be giving you some juicy details about the Triumphant not so triumphant return of Trials of Osiris, and we also are going to be setting up a pole on who YOU think should be King of Destiny!!! First of how about we start off with our “Who do you think should be King of Destiny poll?” We have quite a few good candidates. Our first Candidate is the self-proclaimed King of the Taken himself Oryx, who I should add went through a serious sex change operation a while back going from woman to man and even having three children, although we don’t know how… it is… even possible but what the hell anything is possible in Destiny. Our second candidate is one who claims he is Kell of Kells though the other Houses state he is simply a narcissistic bastard with no respect for personal space. The one the only Skolas, a trigger happy moron that loves firing rockets at people including his own sometimes. Our candidate number three is a mysterious one, only seen on weekends selling things to people and hiding in dark corners mumbling to himself. Yes we are talking about Xur, Agent of the Nine. He is a very mysterious fellow I mean hell we don’t even know what his face looks like, all we know is he has tentacles coming from it not to mention he tends to let people down A LOT!!! We suspect he won’t make it to the primaries though seeing as his popularity rating is deeper than the Marianas Trench. Finally we have our youngest candidate who is extremely popular with the ladies. Yes you know him from patrolling Earth, it’s Randal the Vandal. He is well known for being a very strong and powerful individual that is until he was hit with the Nerf bat, but that has not stopped him from running for King of Destiny. Well there you have it your four candidates. [b]Please only one vote per candidate[/b]. [b]Also must provide Photo ID[/b] Our final story is somewhat of an ominous story. This past weekend Brother Vance and the Osiris Cult reintroduced the once famous Trials of Osiris that was long delayed due to a nasty Hunter virus. Guardians everywhere were excited and flocked to the Reef to collect their Passage Coins from Brother Vance before setting off into the competition. Naturally we decided to participate as well and things were good until a very dark moment happened. It was our seventh match and I decided to talk to one of my teammates and ask him if he was enjoying Trials. Before he could answer our Cameraman yelled “SNIPER!!!!” but it was too late my teammates head burst into a bright fireball nearly taking me out with him. My cameraman tried to run but was to shot in the head. I barely managed to survive only through using my Sunbreaker Hammer and got lucky that all three of the enemies were grouped together as I threw my hammer at them. One exploded causing a chain reaction of explosions killing the other two. Victory was swift but left a bitter taste in my mouth. Uhm… Coincidently there is a job opening for a new cameraman. Many Guardians were happy with the return of Trials that is until the dreadful lag started stealing peoples Flawless chances. Posts about Guardians being at 8 wins only to either lag out of a match or face a laggy team on their final match have been blowing up the forums. Reports of lag switchers and DDOS’ers have been plaguing the forums and some are claiming it is the incompetence of Bungie not having dedicated servers. It has become such a bad opening for Trials that many are telling other Guardians to not even bother with Trials until something more concrete in fixing this aside from bans can be accomplished. Bungie has stated that they will be banning these people, but come on how many times have we heard that and still experience lag switchers not to mention the servers still suck. Overall the ratings for the return of Trials plummeted to an all-time low when it was already really low in the past due to the thorn and last word as well as final round snipers which have all been fixed since then. We will bring you more information as it becomes available. In other news a group has reemerged in the wake of Hard Mode kings fall that has left quite a sour taste in the community’s mouths. The group is known as the LFG Elite, they post up on the LFG website which is an area for Guardians who may not have many friends or just need some extra help in game matters ask for help. This group of elitists gives very strict almost asinine requirements for their groups when they partake in events such as raids or crucible. Some examples of requirements are things such as having to have the Touch of Malice, 310 light, can’t be a squeaker, stuff like that and it has outraged a lot of people because they may not meet some of those requirements. Be wary guardians these so called elitists are nothing more than self-centered arrogant dunces who don’t know how to just have fun. The best tip we can give is to simply avoid them and ask for help yourself with normal requirements that would fit most average players. Well Guardians that’s all we have for this week’s edition of Saber News Stories. Next week we will talk about the supposed “better” Nightfall rewards that Bungie promised that are still according to many, underwhelming. Yes we know some of you find them very long but that’s what makes them good at least we hope they do. Don’t forget to vote for King of Destiny 2015 and also check out our elder brother station Unofficial Weekly Update anchored by MurdiusMaximus on Thursday. We hope you enjoy our news segments and are always gladly taking suggestions. This week’s news stories may not have had the comedic relief as last week’s but that is because I wrote this with a heavy heart since one of my best friends and fellow Guardian was hit by a drunk driver on Halloween and is recovering with a stage 3 concussion among other injuries. Well you heard this first from your friendly neighborhood Sabertooth Tiger. We also have a clip of the perfect way to start a Trials match https://youtu.be/FX1hSpKXVqQ