3 men are stranded on an island, only to be spotted by a group of deranged tribal men. The leader of the group says, "If you want to live, go and pick out 3 of the same fruit inside that forest" The three men hurry into the forest, only to return a couple of minutes later. The first man comes alone with 3 apples. The man looks with a smirk and screams, "NOW SHOVE ALL OF THEM UP YOUR BUTT OR DIE!" Man #1 hesitates, but obeys. He gets about halfway through the first one then cries, "I can't do it!"and gets beat to death. The second man saw the chaos behind some bushes, and intelligently picks out 3 blueberries. The leader of the tribe sighs in disgust and says, "shove them up your butt or die" Man #2 gets the first two up his butt then laughs. The leader of the deranged tribe thinks it as a mock, and man #2 gets beat to death. Both man #1 and #2 go to heaven. Man #1 spots man #2 and says, "I was watching you from here. Why did you laugh? You would've survived". Man #2 smirks and says, "because I saw man #3 carrying pineapples".

A blonde and a brunette girl are talking about guys they met at a party last night. The brunette confided to her blonde friend that she slept with a Brazilian man that night. The blonde goes, "OMG you whore!!!" She then pauses, thinks intently, and looks up in wonder to ask, "Wait, how many is a Brazilian???"

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? [spoiler]none, feminists can't change anything :) [/spoiler]

There's an alcoholic bum in the city out begging. He gets 5 bucks and goes to the liquor store. "Give me a 5$ bottle of wine." Okay this will do u good says the cashier. The bum drinks the whole bottle and passes out near the gay bar. A dude comes out and finds him snoring on the concrete. He screws him. Feels cheap so he puts a 10$ bill in his pocket. The bum wakes up, and finds 10$ in his pocket. "I ought to pass out here more often." he says to himself He goes around the city gets something to eat, and goes back to the liquor store. "Another bottle of the cheap wine" Okay." The cashier says. Bum drinks the whole bottle, and passes out In the same spot. This time the dude comes out with three of his buddies. " this guy's out like a light. We can all screw him. Just leave him 10$" So they all do him and he wakes up to find 40$. He goes out into the city and come back to the liquor store. The cashier sits another bottle of cheap wine on the counter "No thanks man. Gimme a bottle of the 40$ wine. That cheap wine is tearing my ass all to hell." If u read this your in before ninjas swift justice.

You wanna hear a joke? [spoiler]religion[/spoiler]

Warning this joke may be really offensive to blacks out there reading this. This is not meant to offend you. It's just a joke a friend of mine told me. Just be warned. I will not reply to any hateful replies. Joke: Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream got shot.

Here is a crazy story that happened to me in the 12th grade. So I had this one Asian friend named Ving. Naturally, he was like the smartest kid I class. Now, at the time, I was failing math, getting like 50's and 60's and shįt. So I started hanging out with Ving and eventually started to get him to do my homework. I was not trying to be an asş hole or anything, I actually started to like his personality and he eventually became my best friend. One day I was hanging out at his house and we were just chilling and talking about random shįt. We then brought up his name. He said he didn't like the name Ving and that it was passed down from his family. He said he wanted to change his name to something more traditional like Lee. I told him that he was of legal age to get a name change and that he could do it in the court house in town, I even offered to drive him there. He took a few seconds to decide but eventually ended up agreeing. Now, Ving had a sister named Ling. She alway had her head in the books and was never any fun. She seemed like she had a stick up here asş most of the time. She walked in on us and heard us talking about Ving changing his name. Naturally, she told him not to listen to me and that he had to stay as Ving. But that only seemed to make him want to change his name even more. We then got up and headed over to my car. Ling, of course, followed us. As we drive to the court house, I noticed Ving become to feel a little uneasy about what he was about to do. We finally got to the court house, walked through the doors, and approached the lady at the front desk. Ving announced to her that he wanted to preform a legal name change. She then handed him a form to fill out and we all went to the sitting area. As Ving was filling out the sheet, get got very nerves to the point where he dropped the paper and began to cry that he just couldn't do it. We then took the form back to the lady at the desk and said that we don't want to do through with it. She then took back the sheet and said that we had to pay a $20 cancelation fee. Ling was so thankfull that Ving was bit changing his name, that she offered to pay the fee. As she pulled a twenty out of her purse abd proceed to hand it to the lady. The strangest thing happened. The doors lot the court house the burst open and the most stereotypical Asian man ran in. I mean this guy had the flip-flops, hawian t-shirt, sun hat, this little guy was decked out. I immediately recognized him as Ving and Ling's father. Ving then ran up to him and they began to hug each other while crying. Ving then explained to his dad that he loved the name Ving, and that he would name his children Ving, and they would name there children Ving. Ving's father then said... "Don't, stop. Be Lee Ving. Hold on to that fee Ling!!" [spoiler]Ya, that just happened...[/spoiler]

I is a TadPaul

Bump for later ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

pizza hut? more like pizza but! HOHAA

What do you call a magic owl? [spoiler]HOO-DINI![/spoiler] I'll see myself out...

Why did the skeleton laugh at a joke? [spoiler]He found it very humerus.[/spoiler]

My sex life

my goldfish drowned

What's long, hard, brown, and sticky? [spoiler]a stick[/spoiler]