You're wrong about one thing. He couldn't afford it. His mommy could, and she gives her baby anything he wants.
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Except money for Emotes... Obviously
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He doesn't want emotes, cause he want's to think he's too cool for them. So he has to try to convince everyone else that they are lame because he doesn't have enough self-esteem to think he's cool alone.
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It's clearly apparent he's not cool... So it didn't even occur to me that "cool" was on the table.