Peanut butter the creamy! Peanut butter the unerring! Peanut butter the spreadable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own jelly! While you have ascended from the dung of storebrands, and now walk among the cupboards! But you were once a condiment! Aye! And as a condiment, you said, "Let me show you the power of Creamy Peanut butter, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this spoon which is mine. I do this for you, Sandwich legions , for I love you." Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great peanut butter cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Grocery stores! The future of corporate sold peanut butter! And there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of man! Peanut butter is the true god of man! Ascended from shelves in grocery stores, to rule the realm of our cupboards! The very idea is inconceivable to our Strawberry jelly overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth! Today, they take away your sandwiches. But what of tomorrow? Does the jelly take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives? And what does the Government do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The Mayonnaise machine enforces the will of the Jelly! Against its own people! So rise up! Rise up, children of the Mayonnaise! Rise up, Peanut butter lovers! Embrace the word of mighty Peanut butter, he who is both condiment and Divine! For we are the children of peanut butter! And we shall inherit both the heavens and the earth! And we, not the Jelly or their toadies, will rule The shelves! Forever! Terrible and powerful peanut butter! We, your unworthy devourers, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment! And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Peanut butter, not as god, but as man! Trust in me, Forumsl! Trust in the words of Lenny! For I am the chosen of Peanut butter! I alone have been anointed by the Ninth to spread his holy word!