Ok I get this is satire, and we can't do what OP is suggesting but here is my little kid stories.... Story #1. I am in the tower with my husband and looking at other guardians, we run across a brand new player, level 4 low light low grimoire, so I message him to see if he has a refer a friend.... I can drag him through some levels and help him get started and I get the emote and emblem for my collection. He turns out to be eight or nine and mommy and daddy have set his parental controls so no one can actually play with him, but whoops they forgot to set them so he can't talk to strangers. The next day he messages me asking me to come to the tower, I go there to change characters and tell him I am I the tower, he says "where are you, I don't see you", I explain that I am not in the "same" tower. He then tells me to go to the "first tower" like where you started the game. I explain that it doesn't work that way. Everyday he messages me, whether I respond or not, he tells me I am his best friend, and he loves me as a friend, he even wanted my phone number so we could talk. People watch your kids.... Personally he would be safer playing with people then messaging them or better yet playing a more appropriate game. Story#2. We are playing IB rift in a fire team of six, two of them are 17 or 18, in comes a little guy, who mentions that he is nine. He is jabbering on and on about the game he is playing "not destiny", and my 23 year old daughter says something about the little kid. He then starts yelling that he is not a little kid, so I say, " oh honey, she didn't mean it like that". He then says, don't call me honey your not my Mom and I wouldn't want you to be my mom, your such a HO, we then all lost that match trying to kick the little turd out of the party. Little kids don't belong in this game, I am sorry to feel that way, but I can't believe how horrible some kids are on this game.