Just how stupid are the Hive? It’s hard to really call the Hive stupid since they would actually need some level of intelligence to start and, really, they are pretty mindless. Mostly, I think they are just a pathetic attempt at frightening. The whole gang just comes off as more of a half-assed attempt at an eight year old coward’s idea of what might scare other eight year old cowards. The Hive achieve their desired effect only on people who find dimmer switches, glow sticks, and toilets frightening. In such cases I’m pretty sure those people are crapping their pants playing this game. Anybody notice the Wizards fart a noxious cloud to keep you away? That is rude as hell! Why do the Acolytes look like if Bozo the Clown became a secret agent and took over for Sam Fisher only to be killed and assimilated by zombies on his first mission. Seriously, do a side-by-side comparison using google some time (Bozo the clown, Sam Fisher, and the Hive). Did the first people who encountered the Hive have a morbid fear of clowns and ran away screaming? Maybe the Hive saw that and pulled a Gozer the Gozarian (the other Traveler) deciding to invade as an army of evil, undead, space zombie, clowns. You know, while we are at it, the Ogres aren’t much better. They look like Rancors infected with antimatter, space Ebola. They’d be a lot more interesting if they randomly vomited and shat energy on the floor as they stumbled around after you. The Knights are pathetic. Their greatest weapon against humans is a sword? Hey idiots, bringing a knife to a gunfight is a joke not an indication of how tough you are or a chance for bragging rights. Now, I totally understand the Cabal inviting the Geth, that was for street cred, but which idiot Wizard in the Hive thought inviting the Husks to the party was going to workout? Who renamed them Thrall? Did they think that would fool us? Seriously?! The Husks were bullet bait in Mass Effect, there is no way they’re earning room and board in Destiny. These idiots aren't just laughably bizarre they are also fairly gross too. Ever see that weird stuff that grows in their tunnels? You know what I’m talking about. The Hive are like plague rats that bring the architectural equivalent of a venereal disease. Someone once said of Motorhead they wanted to be the band that, if they moved next door to you, it would cause your lawn to die. When the scourge known as the Hive move into the neighborhood your house get’s an STD. If I saw some of that shit growing on my house, I’d call a gynecologist. Let’s face it there’s no faster way to clear out an upper middle class suburb of civilized people than for them to wake up one morning and find a fungal growth in their houses that looks like a cluster of soot covered, crusty rectums making puckering noises and blowing toxic smoke rings. The Hive aren't scary, just gross and inappropriate like hydrocephalic chimpanzees, mud wrestling to the death, at a sunday night Baptist church event. Come to think of it, even that may not be as bad as the Hive, unless there is gambling and drinking involved. Let’s step back and look at the big picture. These weirdos are space zombies that cruise the galaxy in a space hearse looking for a party to crash. Where the heck did they get these intergalactic hearses from anyway? Did they build them? Where are the space zombie mechanics that maintain these ships? Do they have undead AAA for when shit breaks down? What about the space zombie factory workers that bust their crusty humps 6am-6pm everyday building these spaceships. What do they get paid in wages? Is there a space zombie interstellar starship assembly union? My point is that to be an effective interstellar siege force with your own technology you are going to need a massive supply chain network and highly sophisticated information and computational technology. You also need a very robust and productive economy with a division of labor including highly skilled craftsmen and very specialized engineers. An entire race of beings with the single occupational description of “undead, space zombie clown of the apocalypse” is going to run out of steam very fast when they encounter a well equipped professional fighting force even if they outnumber them 10 to 1. Am I alone in noticing this? Let’s face it Guardians don’t run, they bring the heat and the ordinance to pile the enemy up. If the Hive wanted to be taken seriously they should have joined the circus. [b]Final note: Ok, people have been asking me for an audio version of this. I'm going to propose this instead. Anyone who reads this and really likes it pay me back by recording yourself or someone else reading the whole thing or a part of it. Post your link in this thread so we can all appreciate your work.[/b] [b]Hear the official audio version of [i]Just How Stupid are the Fallen?[/i] here http://www.halcyoncollective.com/audio/Just-How-Stupid-are-the-Fallen.aiff [/b] [b]TSCIGAR[/b] provided this amazing [url=https://www.evernote.com/shard/s263/sh/6621c114-7e0f-43a6-9a21-e8bcf068e16c/6ce3299adeed8b27896dfff938fb69cdt]audio interpretation [/url] of the Vex essay as an AMR in Evernote. [b]crapshot120[/b] was nice enough to do two readings for us the [url=http://youtu.be/SuW6IXd6NRs]Cabal[/url] and the [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2nXgFNEzeU&feature=youtu.be]Vanguard[/url] Here are the links to my other posts in this series celebrating Destiny: [url=http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/73500195/0/0] Just how stupid are the Cabal?[/url] [url=http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/72863545/0/0] Just how stupid are the Vex?[/url] [url=http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/72378627/0/0] Just how stupid are the Fallen?[/url] [url=http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/74054287/0/0] Just how stupid are the Vanguard?[/url]