I know the title may be inflammatory to some, so I'll start by saying I love the destiny community and usually have no issues.
Anytime I raid with a team that's over 50% strangers I always wind up getting kicked. Regardless of my K/d, light, dps or general wipe-causing--blam!-ups I'm always the one kicked.
Am I being paranoid? Or am I being penalized for bing a girl?
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You're being paranoid a little. Maybe some 12 year old will kick you for being a girl, but let's be real, he doesn't want cooties. Most of the time though, they will just kick to make room for a friend or are just looking for a carry. Just remember if you ever hear "You got me killed" when you weren't even close to them, they're just a bk with no skill looking for a carry. I got booted from a hard raid attempt because I wasn't 320, I was 317 and 4 of the team were below 310.