Here at Startec Labs, sometimes we get accused that our A.S.S.H.A.T (Anti Spin Super Hyper Advanced Translator) is simply all an elaborate ruse to cover up the fact that we’re actually some type of “Evil Scientist Organization” Well nothing could be further from the truth! So we thought that we would show you some of our other socially beneficial activities that we are currently running. If you look over here we’re about to feed some of the most cute and adorable puppies…to a raptor…WAIT! A RAPTOR! I didn’t authorize this! I’m pretty sure I told you guys to bring along some experiments that doesn’t make us look like evil *%$#@.. *Cough* ahem… Let’s continue on to our next program, where we are about to completely transform some poor sick Orphans…INTO RAPTORS!!! What’s with you guys and Raptors all the time? I know they can be fun, and they taste like chicken, but common this has to stop! Maybe we should just continue on with our completely socially acceptable A.S.S.H.A.T for now… ========================================================================== [quote]“The wall that stood for centuries along the Cosmodrome’s southern border has collapsed.”[/quote] [b] *Translation*: [/b]Not that anyone noticed...It was invisible. [quote]“Fallen mutants now scavenge the tombs of the Golden Age, and the technology they have unearthed in the wastes is more dangerous than even they understand.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] We’re just going to ignore the fact that all the Aliens have freaking space ships that can easily fly over “walls”, and that those pesky Fallen figured out last time how Vex time portals work. But noo our space junk is dangerous! With it the Fallen can make armor out of METAL! that barley cover’s their body! THE HORROR! …Maybe Luke Smith should start eating less Doritos’s, and stop firing all the head writers, just a thought. [quote]“Join Lord Saladin. Journey into the Plaguelands.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]It’s only scary, unless you’re an Exo then you’ll be perfectly fine…Lousy robots. [quote] “Learn the fate of the Iron Lords and stop the growing threat before it is too late.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] You’ll be able to read all about it in the grimore after you collect the new quota of dead dinklebots. [quote]To overcome the challenges that await in The Plaguelands, Guardians will have access to an all-new arsenal of weapons, armor, and gear,[/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b] Dev: “Ok replace all the wolves with hammers…Check” Dev: “Quickly Photoshop gally pink…no, no wait BLACK…Check” Dev: “Give it a perfect 5/7 on IGN with my alt account…Check” Dev: “Get back to the rest of my day which includes beard growing, and telling DeeJ how handsome he is…Double Check” [quote] “including Iron Lord themed armor sets, new exotic weapons, and all new Raid, Iron Banner, and Trials of Osiris gear.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Officially all your TTK stuff now = scrap. It’s year 3 and you should know this is how Destiny works by now. [quote] “Hidden in the Cosmodrome lies the true source of the SIVA outbreak, guarded by the most zealous and powerful Fallen Devil Splicers. Six Guardians will plumb the depths to stop the threat at its source. Should they emerge victorious, they will return to the surface wielding powerful new weapons and armor forged from SIVA itself.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: *Spoiler Alert*[/b] SIVA is a name of a Hindu god, so if you missed it obviously SIVA is another Warmind, but not the cool pacifist hipster kind Rasputin is. Besides we ran out of spooky Russian holy men to call our magic space junk after. But just be thankful it’s a raid, and not POwhatever. =========================================================================== What’s that you say, you took some Raptors and turned them into “Super Scientists”? That in less than a day the Raptor Scientists have already cured both cancer, and solved world hunger!...THAT’S IT I’VE HAD IT! Grab the shotguns, no filthy reptiles are going to out science the human race on my watch. Pardon us folks, we are just busy for the moment. Please tune in next time.