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Edited by ramirez: 8/7/2016 7:24:27 AM
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Copypasta vault

Just in case somebody needs to send their #offtopic regards: I’m Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss, and in 23 years I’ve learned one thing. You never know what is gonna come through that door ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (that's pretty much it, offtopic doesn't have a lot of copypastas to offer, but should you find one direct yourself here)

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    >The year is 2048 >Trump's Empire has taken Europe and is now invading North Korea >Trump the Ever-Living is working on plans for his Mars base >One of Trump's advisers entered the war room >"My Lord, we just received news that your strike team has failed. Kim Jong Un is still alive." >Trump stood up from his solid gold throne >"Looks like I have to do this myself." >"Sir?" >The Trumptator adjusted his tie >"I need a weapon." >Trump's holocopter (a helicopter with a cloaking device) positions itself above Kim Jong Un's palace >"This shouldn't be long." >He jumps from the holocopter without a parachute >Trump lands standing up, his solid gold armor preventing any bodily harm >The palace's doors open on their own upon Trump's arrival >Lord Trump moves quickly through the palace >The guards put up little resistance, the Trumptator taking them out with headshots >Trump the Immortal enters the throne room and is quickly surrounded by palace guards >They encircle him and take his gold plated assault rifle >"Rooks rike you're stumped!" said the Korean Dictator with a smile >Trump smirks "I don't think so." >Our lord unleashes his dual omni-blades and cuts down the guards in a matter of seconds >Kim Jong Un takes out a handgun from his inside his jacket >"FRUK YOU!" he screams as he empties the magazine >Trump raises his hand and stops all of the bullets Matrix style >Lord Trump aims his trademark gold plated revolver at the Korean dictator >"Kim.." >A bead of sweat ran down the side of Kim Jong Un's face >Trump the Undying pulled back the hammer and smirked >"You're fired" PART 2: >The year is 2066 >Wake up, turn on TNN (Trump News Network) >Watch the destruction from the Blitzkrieg of Europe >Think to myself "Thank God I live in Trumptopia" >Look outside my window >Notice the Trumpstapo kick down my neighbors door >They drag out my neighbor, Francisco Pedro Alejandro Gomez >Trumpstapo force him onto his knees >A man in solid gold comes up to my neighbor, closely followed by his guards, the Trumpen-SS >I squint and notice that it's him, it's really him >Trump the Ever-Living >Trump the Undying >Trump the Conqueror >The other neighbors started to gather around >"You're illegal aren't you?" Our Lord asked >"No senor, no no!" >"That's what they all say" >The Trumpstapo got him on his feet "What should we do with him, my Lord?" >The Trumptator smirked >My neighbors begin to chant >"Wall! Wall! Wall! Wall!" >"Send him to the Wall! Take him away!" >My neighbors cheer and celebrate >Several days later >Turn on TNN >On Fridays, TNN live streams the Wall >All the illegals found that week are stood up on top of the Great Trump Wall >Notice my neighbor is among them >A man in solid gold appears on top of the Wall >How he gets there is unknown, he just does it, he's Trump the Ever-living >The camera zooms in on our Lord >"To all illegals that continue to taint Trumptopia, I will find you. And I will stump you." >Lord Trump begins to kick each illegal one by one off the wall >Their screams echo and quickly disappear as they fall to their death >Those that came to Wall to see the action live shout "STUMPED" after each illegal is kicked What a great time to be alive PART 3: >2068 >Emperor Trump is nearing his goal of world conquest >The North American Empire can't be stopped >Mexico has been destroyed and the blitzkrieg of Europe will begin soon, lead of course by the Emperor himself >America has truly become great again >A rebellion has risen in the NAE >Comprised mostly of libcucks and nogs who want their welfare back >Have tried several times to assassinate Trump the Ever-living but all have failed >The rebellion has devised a new plan that they think will succeed >Have an operative that is Trump's personal servant >Will put poison his wine >The Rebellion will meet at noon before they carry out the plan >The operative goes to the secret meeting location >The rebels tell stories about how a man named Bernie almost defeated Trump >They say how everything and everyone would have been free if Bernie had won >One rebel adds on to the story "Trump wouldn't have won if people knew of his immortality" >A man with a scar under his right eye gives the poison to the operative >"Poison him, end our suffering, it's what Bernie would have wanted" >He takes the poison and hides it as he enters the Trump House >The operative gets the wine and adds in the poison >He stops before entering the Oval Throne Room >"For Bernie" he says to himself as he enters the throne room >He is immediately stopped by the guards who take the wine and aim their weapons at him >"What's going on, it's just wine!" the operative proclaims >The Emperor stand up from his solid gold throne >"Do you truly believe this plan would have worked?" >"Your rebel friends have been dealt with, one of my agents told me of your plan" >The man with the scar under his right eye enters the room and stand next to Lord Trump >"No, NO! This cannot be" the operative says in disbelief >Trump the Ever-living takes his gold plated revolver from his desk >"You're fired" PART 4: >2016 >Trump has just been elected >About to say first words as president >He adjusts his tie and looks straight on into the audience >"Obama, you're fired" >Shortly after this Trump reveals that he's immortal and destroys the constitution >Trump is emperor for the rest of time >2025 >Emperor Trump has solved all of the US' problems >Illegals are stuck behind the Great Trump Wall >The Trumpen-SS keeps degenerates off the streets >Nogs are enslaved again >Trumpstapo sends all illegals that try to get past wall to Trumpentration Camps What a great time to be alive PART 5: >2087 >The Trumptopian war machine controls all of Earth's surface >This has become a problem since there is nowhere to deport immigrants >There isn't really such a thing as immigrants now >That's just what Trump the Unstumpable calls anyone who rebels against him >The common solution has been to attach weights to their feet and throw them into an ocean >But our great Lord Trump is stuck now >There is nowhere to expand >No place to conquer >No place, at least, on Earth >Trump, not to be stumped by Earth, turns his eyes to the stars >He invests about 5% of his net worth (100 quadrillion Donald Dollars) into his space program >He amasses a fleet of 2000 Trump Destroyers and hundreds of thousands of Trump Fighters >The Trumpwaffe is disbanded and all Propaganda Bombers are converted to starships >Flash forward to 2104 >Trump the Conquerer is ready to begin his conquest of the Solar System >He puts out a law that all able-bodied men must serve in his glorious conquest or be deported >Immediately all the citizens of Trumptopia rush to our Lord's aid >Those who didn't are immediately stumped >Trump the Mighty addresses his people >"Today, we embark on a new conquest" >"A conquest whose single goal is to stump all of the illegal aliens in the Solar System" >"Today, we are no longer the Empire of Trumptopia" >"We become the Trumptopian Galactic Empire!" >"Hail, Trump!" >"Hail, Trump!" >"Hail, Trump!" >

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