originally posted in:The New Dojo
[i][b]Fear the Locust...[/b][/i]
"I can't tell the dream apart from the real world, so I live knowing that one day, death will wake me up."
-Damien
[b]Damien rushed forward, slamming into his brother with all his might, only to go flying backwards. Lucien was incredibly strong, the strongest of the trio by far... And also the smallest.[/b]
[i]"Nice try..."[/i]
[b]He scoffed with an amused glint in his pale green eyes as a smile crossed his sun-caked lips.[/b]
[i]"You are like a rock..."[/i]
[i]"Maybe even a fat cow!"[/i]
[b]Lucien scowled as Killian marched up, a swagger in the step of the eldest... He had mischief sprawled across his forehead. He was the trouble maker, the big brother with a taste for all the wrong things in the right places...[/b]
[b]Damien chuckled as Killian lowered a hand to help him up, only to pull it back when Damien tried to catch it.[/b]
[i]"Too slow..."[/i]
[b]Damien's fiery blue stare ran ablaze as he shot to his feet in defiance, lowering himself to pounce on his twin... But Killian was quick, incredibly so, dashing away as Damien rushed after, laughter filling the air as Lucien stood, calm and rigid. Someone had to be level headed...[/b]
[b]Not far away, Valerie Lordan sat with her straw doll, swinging from the tire swing her uncle had built, watching the triplets... She wasn't one for rough housing... Unlike her brothers, she had inherited her mother's looks, taking on wavy black hair and deep blue eyes that matched fair skin. The brothers had all taken on the looks of their father with blonde, out of control hair, and more tanned skin...[/b]
[i]"Damien, Killian! Your father is on his way!"[/i]
[b]A big man shouted from the porch, his plump cheeks and bald head glistening with sweat from yard work. Enoch... Their uncle. He was a tall man, about 6'1, and a large one at that. He had a round belly with bulky arms and a bright smile... But now... He wasn't smiling. Enoch had been fighting for custody of the family for years, just recently getting Lucien and Valerie... But Damien and Killian still lived with their father...[/b]
[b]Damien frowned internally at the mention of his father... He still wore the bruises of his dad's last drunken strikes across his back. Welts and bruises the sizes of baseballs...[/b]
[i]"You are lucky... Dad is never as nice as Enoch..."[/i]
[b]Damien remarked to Lucien, giving him a hopeless stare. Lucien said nothing, but merely nodded. He had moved in only a few months ago... But his legs and mind still remembered the abuse.[/b]
[i]"Well... Better get our things..."[/i]
//
[b]An hour passed before a man pulled up in a rusty red pick up truck, a heavily bearded man in a tank top driving the vehicle. His long almost curly hair poked out on all sides and he had a hostile glint to his pale green gaze. He whistled a sharp sound and made a small motion to Damien and Killian, who now held their suitcases. They wouldn't say goodbye to their uncle and siblings... It was too difficult. This was the only week they'd get with them for another year... Damien shot his uncle one last empty stare, the big man unable to hold his gaze, before he set off... Walking towards another year of bruises...[/b]
//
[b]Damien woke up in a cold sweat, his body drenched... He felt sick... Like a fever had claimed what was left of his body.[/b]
[b]He slowly got up, pulling away the sheet of his cot, and standing in the cold night air. He eventually slipped on some jeans and a white t-shirt, walking outside into the cold desert air. He pulled a cigarette from a pocket, as all his pants had, and lit it with a small silver lighter. He stood outside the tent of the small camp he and his crew had made. Three tents, some tables and crates, and plenty of other things.[/b]
[b]The low light from his cigarette caused his lower metal jaw to shimmer, and his yellow eyes to sheen. So much had happened now these few short years... [/b]
[b]He sighed before a small insect startled him, no... Not small... Massive. A grasshopper. Damien hated grasshoppers... His own childhood fear. Long ago his father had locked him in basement full of the horrible creatures... Damien shook away the thought and crushed the creature under a metal foot. Then a small chirp startled him once more... Another grasshopper... Disgusting... Then... Another... And...[/b]
[i]"Psst. Lordan."[/i]
[b]Damien tried, he really did. But he wasn't fast enough. It took a mere second before the fist connected with his skull sending him toppling over.[/b]
[i]"Ouch... Keep him alive, Creed. He needs to watch."[/i]
[i]"Calm down, he's alive..."[/i]
[b]Standing over Damien now, was a massive being... Easily eleven feet in heigh, covered in head to toe with metal plating... His red sensors bore into the smaller man as a large fist pummeled down into his chest, knocking the air out of Damien.[/b]
[spoiler]https://i.imgur.com/poTH3VM[/spoiler]
[b]Meanwhile, two more figures watched quietly, until a gunshot rang out and clipped the shoulder of the metal man. Sabre and Rook were awake, and now the other members of Omicron were too...[/b]
[i]"Its Creed! Weapons free! Kill the fūcker and protect Damien! Don't let them control him!"[/i]
[b]Rook began to unload his two handguns, Joker and Glitch eventually coming out over their tents, half dressed, carrying machine guns... But the bullets didn't matter. They pinged off the metal man like they were nothing.[/b]
[i]"Creed... Handle them... I'll 'help' Damien..."[/i]
[b]The second newcomer was a man dressed in sack cloth, with opaque white eyes. His face was made of burlap stitching with two gas filter protruding from either side of his jaws. He lowered down to Damien, a grin across his stitched mouth as he began to speak.[/b]
[spoiler]https://i.imgur.com/h8JXm06[/spoiler]
[i]"I wonder how much it takes to break a man like you..."[/i]
[i]"Get away from him!"[/i]
[b]Sabre rushed forward, only to be met instantaneously with a slice that severed his torso from his lower half. The metal man had moved at a speed the human eye couldn't follow. Rook tried to back away only to get punched into a table. Joker charged forward, the biggest of the crew, only to get tossed like a ragdoll far away.[/b]
[b]Damien could barely move... Everything ached as his dazed mind tried to take in everything that was happening. His eyes began to water as he watched his teammates get knocked around. One after another the Omicron members were defeated.[/b]
[i]"Boss!"[/i]
[b]Glitch tried to push forward only to meet a metal fist that crashed into his helmet and pushed through the other side. Four highly trained military operatives taken down in... Moments...[/b]
[i]"Hurry it up, there are two not here..."[/i]
[b]The robed man nodded as he crouched over Damien.[/b]
[i]"You think we didn't know? No... We knew... Now... We have found you... And we will make you suffer like the dog you are. No one will remember you... No one will care. Everyone here barely knows you... You'll die like your stupid wife... A failure. I'll send you right back into the dream."[/i]
[b]Salem rose to his feet, motioning to the small figure next to him wearing a red cloak.[/b]
[i]"Amaterasu... Show Mister Lordan something special... A million times over."[/i]
[b]Damien's eyes widened in terror as he scrambled to get up only to be pushed down by Creed's large metal foot.[/b]
[b]A flash of yellow escaped the cloaked figures hood as Damien's eyes met theirs. Salem merely watched as Damien slipped away, slowly pulled back into his worst nightmare.[/b]
[b]But Damien refused. He was tired of being unable to tell reality apart from fantasy... And so... As images of his wife's death, his abusive past, and the destruction of home whipped through his mind he began to breath very slow. He wouldn't last long. These thoughts would kill him painfully... Slowly...[/b]
[b]Two beats. Two beats... One beat. One beat... Damien wouldn't play their game. He was too weak. Salem, Creed... They could win for all he cared... Two beats, two beats... One beat, one beat... His heart began to slow... Half a beat... Damien was slowing his heart rate. No beat, no beat... And then... His heart gave out... Stopping altogether.[/b]
[i]"Not vital signs... Suicide by heart failure..."[/i]
[i]"Shame... He was going to meet his father again..."[/i]
[b]Salem said sadistically, patting Amaterasu's back as he looked at the scattered bodies. The trio looked around at the handiwork, Creed eventually walking around, setting fire to the camp... Soon there would just be ashes...[/b]
[i]"All that's left is the boy and the sharpshooter..."[/i]
[i]"They'll know we are coming..."[/i]
[i]"That's what we want."[/i]
[spoiler]Closed. Open to critiques and comments though! Just a look at my villains and what's to come.[/spoiler]
English
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[spoiler]Bump[/spoiler]
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-blam!- sake
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I just witnessed multiple people get killed
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Aw schnitzel That's actually really solid, although I'm kinda sad to see Damien go. On the other hand, can't wait to see what's coming... The writing is on par with what I expected from you, and by that, I mean descriptive and definitely intriguing. Like Cobalt said, maybe a little more on Omicron, and from me, maybe a little bit more description of the slaughter.
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Thank you! As for Omicron, they will serve a different role down the road. As for gore, I'm still working on Creed's killing ability. As I developed I'll perfect how he takes down enemies, but for now he's a clean killer. But, I'll make sure to put it more into detail next time! :P
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Normally I would be looking at things super objectively right now, but I just woke up to a pleasant read and I'm in no mood to think lmao. Even though I don't know your villains that well (apart from some info on Creed) I feel that this did a hella of a job portraying them in a short time - as it should be. They were both memorable with their actions and well-distinguished from each other. Would've preferred a little more description of Rook, Glitch and the rest of Omicron but that's somewhat biased coming from me seeing that I don't know them that well. Job well done. I look forward to seeing more of this in the future.
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Thank you! Omicron isn't super important at the moment, but there will certainly be more of Salem and Creed coming in!