When I was a small child I wanted to be princess Leia, sure I was the wrong gender but to be honest at that age gender wasn’t really a thing I gave any thought to, instead I was drawn to her presence, obviously Han was the cool one and Luke was arguably more relatable but Leia was the one who knew what she was doing, she was fearless, she could stand toe to toe with the most evil men in the galaxy and fire off a snarky refrain at their pompous posturing, which was as impressive as it was inspiring, my parents once took to me to meet Darth Vader at Jordan’s toy shop in Leamington Spa, lacking in courage I didn't get to make any sort of remark to the dark lord as I instead burst into tears and ran screaming from the shop, confused as I was by the thought process that inspired my parents to take a six year old child to see the single most evil man who had ever existed as if it was a perfectly normal thing to do. It was only with the release of Return of the Jedi and the infamous ‘Gold Bikini’ that I realised that we were very different people and that no matter how much your parents tell you different, you really can’t grow up to be anything you want to be, for the first time Leia was presented in an overtly sexual context, it was a bitter pill to swallow, luckily by this time my ability to separate reality from fantasy was now fully formed and as much as Leia had impacted my formative years, the actress Carrie Fisher would go on to shape much of my young life. Through roles in The Blues Brothers, Under the Rainbow, When Harry Met Sally, Hannah & Her Sisters and The Burbs, I would become a fan, I read her books with awe, would tape her performances on chat shows (I still have a loft full of VHS tapes of her appearances) you always knew that if Carrie was being interviewed you were guaranteed a good time, she possessed a dark sardonic wit, that she displayed wherever she went, Postcards From The Edge was a revelation to me and the film version was one of those seminal experiences, it was the film that made me want to be a writer, a career choice that was only curtailed by an almost complete lack of talent on my part. She was of course a princess in other ways outside of her most iconic role, born into Hollywood royalty, the daughter of Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher, growing up amidst show business scandal as her father left her mother to pursue Elizabeth Taylor, her struggles with mental health and substance abuse were never things she shied away from, instead embracing them long before it became fashionable to do so, when I was struggling with my own set of demons, my fourteen year old brain ill equipped as it was to deal with the tragedy that I found myself forced to live through, it was to her that I turned and as always she was a rock I could cling to. Which was strange, as we never actually met. I guess thats the weird thing about celebrity, that your life can be touched and in many ways shaped by people that you will never actually meet and that will remain blissfully unaware not only of the impact that they have on your own life, but of the fact that you even exist at all. In a time where talent has been usurped by a never ending stream of reality ‘stars’ that have nothing to offer beyond their own ego and an insatiable desire for fame, it always seems more painful when somebody who gave so much more succumbs to the will of the universe. It goes without saying that without Carrie Fisher, for better or worse I would not be the person I am today, in fact there were times when if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t even be here at all, so my sadness at her passing is tinged with gratitude for everything that she accomplished in a beautiful, brilliant life that is worthy of celebration.