Hello to everyone under the sun and welcome to another edition of Tower Today with your host Veneficus Ignis, these are simple renditions of "Murdiusmaximus's" Famous updates who I hope to see soon (Or not, not quite sure...) and continued where I left off just recently to entertain the lovely community he created. [b]So it seems 5 of you hated dust... why? Dust is cute, but to be fair... if left unattended you'll have an army of dust bunnies in greater numbers then crotas army ready to wage wars on your sinus's ...that hatred got outvoted... I'm not sure what side to be on here.[/b] Moving on! This weeks star of the interview was actually taken from one of the previous poles! Now without further adieu I present to you lakshmi! ... Wait... really? [b]Hehe...no, no no no no...Brent... come in here. Wanna explain whos name is on the clipboard? Yeah, that is not lakshmi... you've failed me brent. Why...why'd you do this Brent? You've ruined everything you could in one swift motion ... Every bit of credit I've given you, is now void...its now void! I paid you in silver, I treated you as fair as one could to a fictional character, and this is who I get? I don't even know her backstory! ... I don't care! Just call her... you did? Well what did she say? ...Busy... really, Yeah not buying it, She contributes nothing to the tower! She's like the sweeper bots! ... You know what? Leave, you've failed me, You've betrayed my trust spiderman... No. You are not getting paid! Now go![/b] ----------------------------------- [b]Okay guys... sorry you had to hear all that, again, brent failed in bringing me lakshmi for an interview. So in her place we got...christ help me... Tracer from overwatch... *facepalm*[/b] Cheers everyone! The cavalry is here! *burp* if you know what I mean...yeah? [b]I uh...don't... dear god this is gonna be difficult... So Tracer, what are you doing here?[/b] Oh well, you see this little chest thingy? Yeah you see it, I know you been checkin my rack out the moment I came in, well it malfunctioned, stupid winston. And instead of it freezing time, I leaped into another universe, this place. That weird guy Brent with the 3 green eyes? Told me "Hey, I forgot to call someone for this lowlife I work for! Care to help me?" [b]That motherf*cker... Okay? And you seeing someone strange and asking for help isn't weird to you?[/b] That IS how I met 3 of my boyfriends before joining overwatch, so yeah love. So at first before I walked over I shot up these dangerous robots... they had brooms! They were becoming self aware! Next it would've been guns... Some guy with no pants on, real charmer btw, had a huge y'know? Mhm... well he had me arrested and put me to community service, f*ckin lame lemme tell ya...well here I am. I did sip out of his little flask...that stuff did the trick. [b]Wow...they let you live?[/b] Well yeah pretty stupid right? This one robot dude with a unicorn horn and a cape I couldn't shoot was laughing about it and actually got me the community service...Yeah but still so boooooored!! Can't we just talk? [b]Uh...that's what I'm trying to do..yes... you don't have to shout either, just saying.[/b] Well, you know what! You don't know what its like for me! Widowmaker is always taking out some target, she refuses my calls, ignores me, never laughs at my jokes...the b*tch is so anti social! And don't even lemme get started on that sl*t Diva... she is just horrid!! [b]Who...and who?[/b] Widowmaker, the silent and deadly sniper thats really just a purple skinned russian that doesn't speak english properly...the b*tch. Then there's Diva! The 15 year old in our sq- [b]The overwatch has a child... Are you guys pedophiles?[/b] No, I mean, I'm sure we're not *burp* 'scuse me. But you know what's wrong with that chick? All she does is mock me behind my back, but you know what she does all the time when not in a battle hogging all the glory? Just f*cking playing in an arcade or flirting with torbjorn! You know what she could do? Just f*cking D*ldo herself in an arcade or whatever the hell americans do in those... [b]I really have no idea what you're talking about here...[/b] No one ever does!! *drunk sobbing* I'm always alone, I got no friends, no one even wants to drink with me! This is the only time someones wanted help from me! [b]Uh, there there...everything will be alright? I'm sure you'll find someone to help you...[/b] Coming from the guy whos been single for over a year hehe. [b]Wait, how do you know that?[/b] Took your phone, rewinded, seriously how did you lose that chick? [b]Thats none of your business, you're kinda violating me here...[/b] You could say that, considering I narked on you then rewinded. Seriously, how did you lose that girl? [b]Excuse me?! And again, None of your business. I feel like I've been r*ped...[/b] Oh calm down love, just a bit of fun! [b]No, no its not. Now I think we're done here.[/b] What? No! Please don't kick me out. *fake sobs* [b]Oh dear god...okay, well I can at leas-[/b] Can you hold me? [b]What? No. This is a business, get away...[/b] Shhh...just let it happen... [b]Uncomfortable...[/b] Mmmm you like holding me don't you? [b]Okay, that's enough, off, off now. I'll get a crowbar if I have to.[/b] Geez love, you got a girl, drunk in a jumpsuit alone in a room with thick walls. Who's gonna know? [b]The people watching the interview.. *Points to camera*.[/b] Oh, oh god... I uh have to go! Ciao love! Well everyone! There you have it...the uh...classy lady from overwatch herself! ... I think I need to burn my clothes...and my phone... Alright, I'll keep the news brief. In destiny news, bungie is still away for the holidays so at this moment there is not much to report other than the box of fortunes in the tower this week. Pick it up and receive a new years fortune, do keep it by the way. People have speculated all the words that have been written in them other than the one. "Help, my name is Cayde and I'm stuck writing fortunes in the tower." are all hints and teases to Destiny 2, at least that is what reddit is trying to prove, could be false and they could just be fortune, but the ones. "The speaker will dream of nightmares and beautiful things." and "Not everything rests forever, not even the traveler." have really hinted strongly to their theory, we will have to wait and see though. Onto Warframe news, Tennobaum is in its last week, with 250k gifts on the meter the rewards if you log in right now will be. "A christmas tree sigil, Orokin catalyst and reactor, 3 day resource and affinity booster, and 3 dragon mod packs." So login today to receive your free gifts and help reach the final goal of the community! Happy tennobaum to all! Onto halo news, I missed the announcement of the Happy Halodays event that brought mythic firefight to the table and new req packs to buy in the market, but to my knowledge that is over. My apologies! Well that just about wraps up everything, since brent isn't here I will leave you guys with a few things to enjoy. https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/220145950?sort=0&page=0 This post is complete satire and I feel like it could really give ya a chuckle! And 2. https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/220182383?showBanned=0&path=0 If you're like me and enjoy the emblems in this game, this amazing person went out of his way to bring the emblems to life as wallpapers! So pick a couple out, email em, yata yata, a hell of a christmas gift to us as a community. Alright everyone, this is part 1 of my final Tower Today post, the next post might not be as enjoyable, but it will explain why I've truly done these. Thank you all for your support, downvotes and clickbaits... I love you all, and the 2nd part is being prepped for tomorrow.