Welcome to my post on PEREGRINE GREAVES Edit: We've hit number one in trending! [i]Please read all the way through, it gets better as it goes.[/i] Now I know I usually post about lore and my stories, but today I'm having some fun. I know most of you have seen the long spam comment about the epicness of this beautiful leg wear (here it is https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/220869516/0/0/1), and I come to you today to tell my own story of this armor piece. You have been warned. As said by my friend Bapaotje: [quote]Hunters have stealth. Warlocks have brains. Titans have KNEE THEM TO THE FAAAAACE[/quote] And I couldn't have put it better myself. Now to begin. These marvelous legs are masterfully created in white plating with gold decal and blue decorative orbs. Your knees are beautiful gems of death. They have spike attachments for aerodynamics and for show. I know many Striker Titans out there are satisfied with their fighting style and have never even thought to equip the Greaves, but I tell you now that you have not lived until you've used them. Nothing is more satisfying than disintegrating your foes in a flash of electricity or breaking ribs by slamming your shoulder into them, EXCEPT FOR CAVING IN SKULLS BY SHOVING YOUR KNEE INTO THEM WHILE LEAPING THROUGH THE AIR! YOU WILL BE LIKE THE MAJESTIC PEREGRINE FALCON SOARING THROUGH THE AIR, EXCEPT THE FALCON PART IS IN YOUR LEGS! PEREGRINE FALCONS CAN DIVE THROUGH THE AIR AT SPEEDS OF OVER 180 MILES PER HOUR; YOU WILL LEAP THROUGH THE AIR AT 180 M.P.H. AND KILL YOUR PREY AS THE PEREGRINE FALCON WOULD KILL ITS OWN PREY. EXCEPT INSTEAD OF TALONS AND BEAKS YOU WILL ONLY HAVE YOUR LEGS! YOU WILL BECOME THE ULTIMATE PREDATOR AND NO BEAST WILL BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND A SINGLE BLOW FROM YOUR KNEES, not even those Defender Titans with Armor of Light active. You will be Saitama the One Punch Man, except all of that power will be in your knees! That's right! The power of gods inside your knees! Superman will be jealous, and his invulnerability won't save him this time! You will enter the Crucible and slaughter all of those that you couldn't Shoulder Charge before because of their sissy meta weapons (YOU HEAR THAT?! NOT EVEN THE MATADOR, CLEVER DRAGON, OR THOUSAND YARD STARE WILL KEEP YOU SAFE!). You will burst through Bubbles and bash in the Helm of Saint-14 just as the Helm of Saint-14 was used to bash in the Devil Kell's skull! You will fly past Golden Gun shots and show that wimp that a real man doesn't need a long ranged Super! You will shoot through bolts of lightning and put that Stormcaller back on the ground where he belongs! You will dodge flaming hammers and break that Sunbreaker in the forge! You will shoot right under that Nova Bomb and show that Voidwalker what hurts worse than being hit by a collapsing star! You will not be tethered down by those Nightstalkers' lame Shadowshots and you will show them that a real man doesn't need to disable his enemies to win in a fight! You will appear out of thin air just to get a Stay Down medal on a Sunsinger because they thought you couldn't catch them twice with the same move! Guess what, still don't have enough health to survive! You will break the Arc Blades of Blade Dancers with your knees and then show them why a real man doesn't need knives to do any real damage to an enemy! You will smash your knees into the shoulders of your Striker brethren and show them why they should've worn the PEREGRINE GREAVES! You will then strike out into the universe and single-leggedly defeat the Darkness with your bedazzled legs! The Fallen will wish they hadn't left their system during the Whirlwind! The Hive will make shrines to your legs, only to have the shrines destroyed and all of them killed by the very legs they feared and worshipped! UNWORTHY! The Vex won't be able to simulate the sheer power of your legs and blow up from complete overwhelming information! The Cabal line will break and your knees will pierce the unbreakable playing of their aircraft! The Black Garden's Heart will be dead before it has a chance to wake up even one of the Sol Progeny, BUT YOU'LL DESTROY THOSE WORTHLESS VEX STATUES ANYWAY! The Oracles, Templar, and Gorgons will not be able to erase you from time because THERE IS NO FUTURE WHERE THEY SURVIVE YOUR SOARING KNEES! You will not need the Aegis Relic to defeat Atheon BECAUSE YOU WILL BASH HIS ANGULAR FACE IN EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE TIMELINE ANYWAY! SHATTER THE GLASS THRONE! You will destroy and deplete Crota's Oversoul, take out his overshield, and deplete his HP ALL IN JUST ONE HIT! You will make Skolas wish he had just given up and become the Queen's butler, obeying her every whim! STOMP THAT BUG INTO THE GROUND! KELL OF KELLS MY BOOT! You will smash a hole through the Dreadnaught since there are no Cabal ships left to do it, and you will take the Dreadnaught down single-leggedly! Oryx's Court will fall! His Warpriest will know that his cute little light-up ball doesn't work and his big helmet only made you want to slam your knee into his face more! Everyone of Golgoroth's weird wiggly leg things will be broken with ease and he will fall clutching his gut and puking out a bunch of those orb thingies, while that big scar thing on his head will be re-opened by your knee to finish him off! The Deathsingers won't be able to kill you with their song because you don't listen to their tasteless pop trash singing, and they will instead kill themselves with their song just to avoid those beautiful legs of yours! AND THAT FAT LARD ORYX WON'T JUST BE SENT DRIFTING TOWARDS SATURN, YOU'LL HIT HIM SO HARD HE'LL BLAST A HOLE STRAIGHT THROUGH THAT PLANET AND THEN FLY OUT OF THE SYSTEM! YOU'LL HIT HIM SO HARD THAT ALL OF HIS ECHOES AND TAKEN WILL BE INSTANTLY DESTROYED! Then you will deny the mantle of the Taken King because accepting the ways and power of Oryx would just make you weaker! SIVA won't be able to replicate fast enough to keep up with the amount of enemies you take out per second! You will storm the Replication Chamber and show Aksis that YOUR TWO SEXY LEGS ARE FAR SUPERIOR TO THAT COOL GIANT SPIDER LEG THING HE'S GOT GOING ON! YOU WILL BECOME STRONGER THAN THE LIGHT AND THE DARKNESS AND RULE BOTH THE CRUCIBLE AND THE UNIVERSE! PUT ON THOSE SEXY, GLAMOROUS, BEDAZZLED LEGS NOW! PERRREEEEEGGRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNE GREEEEAAAAAAAAAAVESSSSSSSSSSS! ____________________________________ Plz like and comment so we can get to trending. I plan on doing more senseless posts like this in the future because this was so darn fun Edit: check out my new post on Gjallarhorn- https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/220902949/0/0 For more of my work, check out my master post: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/217384398/0/0