I’m almost 20 and haven’t been able to score a better job than a -blam!-ing cook at a local fast food joint. What makes it worse is that I live in a small town so business is pretty limited, and where I work is the only place that’ll hire high school graduates. I’d get the hell out of this town if I could actually drive too, but I’ve failed every damn test I’ve ever taken. I’m socially awkward, even my only other co-worker -blam!-ing hates my guts. I have repressed lust for one of my best friends too; she’s athletic, smart, and a gorgeous southern bell. I love her. You know what it’s like; I’ve been friend zoned real hard. She’s my only best friend, besides this one kid, who I’m pretty sure is only hanging around me because he is mentally challenged. I guess he’s the only one that can tolerate me. And what makes this all worse is that I live in a -blam!-ing pineapple under the sea.