If you missed the last episode, you can find it [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/222083364/0/0]here[/url], or if you need to find a previous episode, you can find them all in the [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/220441594/0/0]Master Post[/url]. Please give a bump, upvote, or leave comment if you enjoy this and any other chapter! *** I hug the wall tightly, crouched low and invisible as my heart pounds in my chest – [i]A soldier follows orders, a warrior fights for a cause –[/i] Brother Vance’s strange mantra repeats itself in my mind again, and I fight to push it down – [i]But I’m not a soldier or a warrior – I’m a Guardian. … But what is a Guardian, really?[/i] Pulse rifle fire punctuates my thoughts and shatters the wall above me – I bolt, keeping low, seeking cover, trying to keep my mind on the match while it runs wild with doubts – [i]What else can die over and over and keep coming back to life? What others’ purpose is solely to kill and destroy? What else can say it was given life by a ghost?[/i] Ghost chirps in my helmet and I flick my eyes to my HUD, seeing where Avi and Salas are – we’d tried Avi’s “run out the clock” strategy a few other times with varying success, and all it did was intensify the competitive impulses I’ve begun to feel. There’s still no set strategy we can decide on, nor a dynamic – and all it’s doing is driving a wedge deeper between Avi and I. [i]Good[/i], a part of me instinctively thinks. [i]An asshole teammate is worse than an inexperienced one. Unless I’m an asshole, too…[/i] The argument comes unbidden to my mind, and I push it away immediately – [i]it’s not me, it’s him, it’s been him since the beginning –[/i] “Heavy’s incoming!” Salas barks suddenly over the comm, and I bolt for cover to scope out the drop zone – in the respite as we all wait, my misgivings haunt me again – [i]What is a Guardian? Are we just the Speaker’s puppets? Experiments of the Traveler? Wouldn’t that just make us killers, though?[/i] I shudder a little, and briefly wonder if any of the other species I’d encountered contemplate their own existence as we do. I hit my invisibility as heavy ammo drops – I watch the other team through my scope as they quickly grab their supplies and bolt, one edging away from the others and two keeping close, watching the other’s back – [i]Just like us[/i], I suddenly think, and hesitate. The crosshairs dance around my opponents’ heads, but I can’t pull the trigger. [i]They’re just like us….so why are we killing them? I know this is practice, that no one really dies here…. ….but we do. We just get brought back. Doesn’t mean we don’t feel it when we die. “Djido![/i]” Avi hisses over the comm. “[i]You see ‘em?[/i]” I don’t answer – I can’t. [i]What’s the point? The Black Garden was just a distraction, a ruse to give me something to do, a vague enemy to fight. And now these Trials – it’s the same thing. Just a distraction to keep us fighting, to keep us from questioning why we fight – A soldier follows orders. A warrior fights for a cause. So what’s my cause? And why do I end up in the same position no matter where I go? Why do I keep playing these forces’ games? “Djido!”[/i] Unconsciously, my weapon slips from my fingers to hang limply at my side. [i]What’s the point? When does it ever start to make sense?[/i] I see my opponents turn a corner and spot me – one of them his weapon instinctively, but I don’t raise mine. [i]I’m just death, spreading more death to justify my existence.[/i] My opponent pulls the trigger, and the world vanishes in an instant. … “…Djido!” My eyes snap reluctantly open. Ghost whirs in front of my face, looking concerned. Behind him, Avi scowls as Salas hangs back, looking nervous. “At least let us know when you’re gonna throw in the towel so we know how to compensate for your dead weight!” Avi hisses angrily. I ignore him, sitting up slowly. “[i]Djido,[/i]” Brother Vance calls over the comm. “[i]Join me in the Reef.[/i]” “Good riddance, hope you don’t come back,” Avi sneers wrathfully. I don’t respond as I feel Ghost transmatting me away. [i]Maybe he is going to kick me out[/i], I think as I rematerialize inside my cockpit. With a sneaking feeling of relief, I spool up the warp drive and take off – … Brother Vance is waiting for me when I land in the Vestian Outpost. “The purpose of the Trials is to hold the right weapon at the right moment,” he begins mysteriously. I sigh as I disembark. “And what if that time never comes?” “I waited a long time,” he answers. “Thinking the same thing. I waited and waited….and suddenly here you all are. Time rewards the faithful.” “Faith?” I ask incredulously. “[i]Faith?[/i] We’re murderers, Brother. Not soldiers, not warriors, not even Guardians – we’re killers. That’s all we ever do, all we know how to do. We’re just dead things spreading death – and this is the Light? This makes us good? Makes us heroes?!” “No,” Brother Vance answers quietly. “It makes us legends.” I scoff and push past him, walking down through the narrow stairway to the meditation chamber. Vance follows with an unnerving tranquility. “And what exactly makes us ‘legendary’?” I ask him hotly. “How many kills we’ve got under our belt? Which enemies we’ve slain? How well we carried out our orders?” Vance sighs. “These aren’t easy answers, Djido, because they’re not easy questions. Every Guardian must go through this process in their own way and in their own time. I did, and it led me to my true place in this vast universe – “ “Breeding killers,” I hiss back, wheeling on him. “Separating the wheat from the chaff,” he responds cooly. “The able from the weak. We have enemies out amongst the stars you couldn’t even dream of – are they as crippled by indecision about whether or not to kill as you are? Will they stop because they can’t settle their moral quandaries?” “There’s always some external enemy, isn’t there?” I sneer back. “Some vague force that threatens us all, giving us an excuse to fight. Killing – that’s always the answer, that’s always what I’m told, what all Guardians are told – and we always do as we’re told just like good soldiers. Why? What’s the purpose?” Vance just cocks his head. “There is no purpose,” he finally answers. “That’s just the way of the universe. Survival of the fittest.” I turn hotly away. [i]What is a Guardian? Just another trivial life in a competitive, uncaring universe.[/i] “Only you can learn how to reconcile this, Djido,” Vance says, bowing his head. “When you’re ready. But it must be reconciled. A Guardian who drops his weapon at the moment when it’s needed most is no good to anyone.” He walks past and disappears into his chamber, leaving me alone with my turbulent thoughts. “[i]Djido?[/i]” Salas’ voice suddenly interrupts me over the comm. “Yeah?” “[i]You coming back?[/i]” I think about it for several moments as Ghost pops out, hovering next to my head and watching me nervously. [i]What is a Guardian? Am I just what I am? Can I change? Do I have a cause? Is there a point to my existence? Why am I here?[/i] I feel the crippling weight of my questions burdening me, pushing me down, burying me, suffocating me – “Yeah,” I finally answer. “On my way.” [i]Does it matter if there’s a point? Does it matter if I’m a soldier or a warrior? Or a Guardian? Or a legend? … No,[/i] I finally decide as I transmat back to my ship to rejoin Avi and Salas. [i]It doesn’t matter. I only have one purpose. To kill and be killed. That’s all I am, all I’ll ever be. What is a Guardian? A killer, and a follower. Nothing more.[/i]