Here at Startec Laboratories creator of the world famous A.S.S.H.A.T (Anti Spin Super Hyper Advanced Translator) often get asked about one of our lesser known and somewhat flawed inventions like the “Time Portal” The most common question we get asked is “If you can go back in time then why don’t you kill Hitler?” Err well we tried to, kinda… Being an angsty, moody, vegan “Hipster” we thought we could simply make him more miserable and then nature would simply take its course. After series of planned targeted harassment's we thought we really had him nailed! We had him rejected from Art School, and then thrown in prison…But that sort of turned out to be a mistake, we see that now. WW2 WOULD HAVE HAPPENED ANYWAYS IT’S NOT OUR FAULT! …Just a disclaimer we’re not responsible for WW3 either...You’ll see. ============================================================================== [quote] [i]“This week at Bungie, our ears are ringing.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] But not from listening to your feedback. [quote][i]“The aircraft hangar that our friends at Activision built for the”[/i][/quote] [b]*Correction*:[/b] “The aircraft hanger that our OVERLOARDS at Activision built for the” [quote][i] “The response from the community has been thunderous. You honor us with your enthusiasm for new action.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b] So many of you seem pretty disappointed by the reveal, the rest of you are on our payroll. [quote][i] “Ever since the first reveal at the end of March, we’ve been hyping the “Destiny 2 Gameplay Premiere” on the Internet. Inside our studio, the entire operation was codenamed DRE (or Destiny Reveal Event).”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Choo Choo, all aboard the Hype Train! Who doesn’t like Dre other than Easy-E, and he’s dead so who cares? [quote] [i]“The games that were played in that fateful airport hangar came from the DRE Build. The presenters who took the stage ran a gauntlet of DRE Rehearsals.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] DRE Build = not the game you’re going to get to play, at least not in the BETA. Just like last time when we revealed a much more dynamic Destiny before we cut it up and nerfed it. Enjoy suckers! [quote][i] “We knew this moment wouldn’t be complete if we couldn’t share it with our community.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] By “Community” we mean the select few of streamers and other people who say nice things about us. [quote] [i]“If you piled into the stream audience to make the chat run like a raging waterfall, we thank you for helping us to break the internet.”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] …You can’t break the internet, you obviously need dedicated servers if even chat lags. [quote][i] “Last Thursday was a blur. Amidst the fuzzy lines, a few moments crystallized and burned into memory.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Cocaine is a helluva drug. [quote][i]“teleprompters (which none of us had ever used before), and a ton of other folks who made that event go. “[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Teleprompters ran by our Activision Overlords to keep poor Luke from “throwing money at the screen” [quote][i]“I’ll remember the moment I walked out on stage for the first time for the rest of my life. And the text I received from my mother after it was over wondering if she should “get into these Destiny games when I retire.” She’s 61, and I hope to still be making them when she hangs up her scrubs.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Wouldn't She be happier with Grand Children? Oh wait sorry Luke that was a cheap shot. [b] ***ERROR***BREVITY 00x76[/b] [quote][i] “Destiny has a unique networking model.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]After everyone dumped it we are still using SBMM, but just toned down so you don’t notice it. [quote] [i]“This differs from Destiny 1, where these hosting duties were performed by player consoles and only script and mission logic ran in the data center. To understand the foundation on which we’re building, check out this Destiny 1 presentation from GDC.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Wait we’re going to say this is different from how D1 works with an GDC talk of exactly how D1 works? Haha lies… we’re not good at them. [quote][i]“We don't use that term, because in the gaming community, “dedicated servers” refers to pure client-server networking models.”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] That’s right there's no dedicated servers folks! [quote][i]“Destiny 2 uses a hybrid of client-server and peer-to-peer technology, just like Destiny 1”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] In other words peer to peer just like Destiny 1… Wait didn’t we claim to be different from Destiny 1 in the two quotes above? Hah we love lying even if we’re not good at it. [quote][i]“Why peer-to-peer? Are we trying to save money? Nope! We've invested heavily in new server infrastructure for Destiny 2, including using cloud servers for gameplay for the first time”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] What do you think we’re made of $500 million? Dedicated servers cost thousands of dollars! How do other game companies afford them with budgets under a $100 million? Voodoo and magic that’s how. [quote][i]“Engineering will always involve tradeoffs and cost-benefit analysis, but as a team we’ve got no regrets about the unique technology we’ve built for Destiny 2.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Cloud servers are cheap and plentiful. And we have no regrets because you’ll buy this game anyways, because your life is a empty hollow shell. [quote][i]“With Destiny 2 coming out on PC, does peer-to-peer networking put players at risk of being cheated? The PC platform poses unique security challenges for Destiny 2, but our security Ninjas have spent several years building a plan for how to engage with this new and vibrant community.”[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] We didn’t perma ban you rubes on Destiny, and we won’t be perma banning you aimboting PC Masterlords for one simple reason…You’re paying customers too. [quote][i] “We think those controller-throwing lag-induced moments will be reduced for Destiny 2, but we can't promise they’ll be eliminated.”[/i][/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Not on consoles anyway, as we only increased the speed to a mind blowing 30 FPS. Whoa! [quote][i] “Your next obvious question is: “When is the Beta?””[/i][/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Who knows…Have you bought your blue “I’m done” t-shirt yet?