https://youtu.be/pSW9CgVNueQ Are you tired of getting pooped on in the Crucible? Palindrome got you you down? Let's face it. Does your aim suck? Well -blam!- that! You need the HARD LIGHT in your life. The only Omolon product manufactured exclusively with 3D printers. Bullets? What the -blam!- are those? Hard Light fires super heated polymers! Plastic forged in the furnace of Vulcan himself spews out the front of this instrument of death like the last performance of Deadmau5 in a Moscow disco tech. Have epilepsy? No? You -blam!-ing do now! So, does every other person who happens to be standing within 50 meters of this beast. That's a level playing field friends. Did I miss my target? Doesn't matter because shells fired from Hard Light rattle around Drifter like Pac-man. Range? What the -blam!- does that even mean? Don't run! You will only die tired! Hard Light defies the natural laws of physics with UNLIMITED range. Ever been "killed by the architects" on Anomaly? BULL $#!T! You were killed by rounds fired on Timekeeper during a Trials match 2.25 years ago from a bad mofo packing Hard Light. I know what you want to ask. "Why does a weapon with 100 Aim Assist and Stability shake so bad?" URBAN -blam!-ING LEGEND! I called Michael J. Fox and he says that Hard Light is the steadiest weapon he has ever had the good fortune to place his beautiful hands on. Rate of fire you ask? Reload you ask? Your enemies will be taking it in the face faster than a Miami adult film actress with an over due rent check! [b]WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS!!! GO GET YOUR HARD LIGHT TODAY![/b] [spoiler]I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. Please forgive me.[/spoiler] Edit: I'll make a video version of this. I'll make footage this week and IM everyone who leaves a comment below after I post it. I'm not a youtuber but I'll do my best. It'll be for funzies. I'm glad everyone thought this was funny. It's a great compliment. Thank you all. Edit # 2: I'll be copy / pasting this in the replies below: Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSW9CgVNueQ Sorry it took so long for the video. I have never done one like this before so there was trial and error. If you enjoy it please let me know. I plan on doing these in the future and will always post the scripts here first; because if you wouldn't have thought this was funny I would have never attempted to make this for you guys. Please leave me Exotic Primary suggestions in the video comments for the next one. Thank you again. I had so much fun doing this. I'm not a Youtuber; but I hope you laugh.