Welcome to another one of my posts where I attempt to humor you by writing in caps about how awesome a piece of equipment is. I've decided to call this series Gud Gear (because "equipment humor" was a stupid name) and created a # for it, so now everyone has easy access to these posts. Do me a favor and read this all the way through, I know these can really not be that funny at some points but I try and sometimes I make a gud joke, plus it's not like any of u are even attempting this so don't be harsh. As always, like and comment so more people can see this. Today I focus on the Helm of Saint-14, and I will start with the story behind it before I rant about it. Worn by a legend amongst the Titan orders, this helmet was owned by the Exo Titan known as Saint-14 (I know I know it's in the name). At the end of Saint-14's battle against the Devil Kell, Saint removed his helmet and dropped it on the ground; the grimoire never says he picked the helmet back up, but rather had his Ghost get a different set of his gear ready. It's only speculation that this abandoned helm is the one we wear today. Traces of Saint's Light still reside in this piece of armor, and allow those who wear it to grow stronger through the addition to their own Light. This added Light allows Defenders to blind those who enter their Wards while wearing the Helm. Okay, boring part is over, let's get to the screaming. ________________________________________ Are you done placing your Ward of Dawn just to have some chump with a shotgun slide in and blast you? Are you through with putting your Ward down just to be swarmed by hoards of enemies that you can't kill fast enough to survive? Are you sick and tired of people bursting your Bubble?! NO MORE! EQUIP THE HELM OF SAINT-14 AND YOUR DAYS OF WORRYING ABOUT THE NEXT POPPED BUBBLE WILL BE OVER! This stylish gear is equipped with a pre-Golden Age fashioned raised mohawk attachment, two sheets of thick plating that go over your face, each of which lined with lustrous purple lights, AND WITH THE ABILITY TO BLIND ANYONE WHO DARES LOOK AT IT! No one will be able to enter your Bubble safely anymore, and it serves them right because YOU WORKED HARD TO MAKE THAT WARD AND YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE SCREWING WITH IT! GET ALL THE PERSONAL SPACE YOU WILL EVER NEED! You will blow-I mean place your Bubbles in the most strategic and/or annoying places possible so that your enemies will have to try entering to stand a chance against your team, and they will die like the losers they are! You will laugh maniacally as swarms of enemies rush in to kill you just to be blinded and stumble around defenselessly as you pick them off one by one! You will have DISCO DANCE PARTIES in your Bubble and the enemy will grow so jealous that they try to join in on all the fun, JUST TO BE BLINDED BY THE GLORIOUS SPECTACLE THAT IS YOUR DISCO PARTY AND GET SHOTGUNNED IN THE FACE! ALL WHO ENTER WILL BE BLINDED BY YOUR AWESOMENESS! You will endlessly slaughter those who think they can rush into you Bubble with a shotgun! You will leave the safety of your Bubble just so that your victims can look into the glowing face of fear itself as you crush them! You will dance and taunt and dance to your heart's content inside and out of your Bubble because it's just so awesome to be you when you're wearing the HELM OF SAINT-14! You will look as sharp as the pain inflicted on your enemies' eyes as they enter your Bubble! Blade Dancers? BLIND DANCERS! Sunsingers? SHOULDN'T HAVE LOOKED AT THE SUN FOOLS! Strikers? STRIKING OUT BLINDLY! Gunslingers? THEY WERE HORRIBLE AIMS TO BEGIN WITH! Voidwalkers? VOIDSTUMBLERS! Sunbreakers? SUNBLUNDERS! Nightstalkers? NIGHTLIGHT...shamblers? Stormcallers? STORMFALLERS! Other Defenders? UNWORTHY! NONE ARE WORTHY OF PARTIES OF SAINT-14 CALIBER! The helmet you wear has been used to bust holes in Fallen heads countless times, and it will do so again and again and again! Nothing can withstand the head but of such a fabulous piece of armor, not even a Kell! YOU WILL BUST OPEN THE SKULLS OF ALL WHO CHALLENGE YOU! When you wear the HELM OF SAINT-14 you will feel like your head is encompassed by the ultimate disco ball disguised as a Roman soldier's helmet, if disco balls emitted blinding light and pierced skulls on a daily basis! You will be fueled by the power of a million head butting Romans who party ev-er-y day and don't give any about brain damage! Other Guardians will run screaming when they see your mohawk coming around the corner! Fallen will pull off their ether masks and suffocate after being blinded because they know painful death is coming anyway! Hive will create death songs about those slaughtered inside your Bubble! Vex will make a subtype devoted to trying to get past your blinding personality! Cabal will break their lines against your Bubbles! Taken will dissolve in agonizing pain as they are smothered by your Light! Oryx's Willbreaker WILL BREAK on your Bubbles and you will shove him inside and see how HE feels when someone keeps yelling at him to surrender his will! HELM OF SAINT-FOUUUURRRRTEEEEEENNNNN! _____________________________________ I know none of these have been nearly as good as my Peregrine Greaves post so far (https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/220868188/0/0), but I haven't seen anyone else come close to it so don't give me a hard time about it. My next one of these will be on The Last Word, and I actually expect it to match the Peregrine Greaves, so keep an eye out for it if you want to see one of these that's actually gud. For more of my work, check out my Archive: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/217384398/0/0 For more funny rants, check out posts by my buddy Oddish, who has also been working to make jokes out of exotics: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/220969708/0/0