With all the North Korean shenanigans these days we here at Startec thought it would be beneficial on sharing some tips on surviving a nuclear blast. Step 1: Hold your thumb up to the mushroom cloud. If you no longer have a thumb because it has been vaporized then simply sit back and embrace the void. (Well really what else are you going to do?) If your thumb is bigger than the cloud then congratulations you’re far enough away you get to re-populate the Earth you lucky guy. If it isn’t please proceed to step 2. Step2: Well you’ve pretty much had it so why not go out with some style? Put on a funny looking hat and strike a funny pose. Bonus points for dying on the toilet! This way when someone stumbles on your corpse 200 years later, they will know what a funny and cool guy you are…err were. So you still want to fight the enviable? Well US Government studies show that underneath a school desk is nuke proof. Ha ha no just kidding, and hiding under your sheets won’t keep the monsters away either. What if you find a nice dark cellar or basement to hide in? Unless it’s air tight you’re still screwed! That giant pillar of FIRE requires oxygen to burn. It’s so powerful it literally sucks all the oxygen out of the air and even out of your lungs so you suffocate to death. Just ask the Germans when the Allies bombed Dresden much of the deaths were in bomb shelters where everyone suffocated. Isn’t science fun? So despite all odds you somehow survived? Step 3: BRAAAINS! And BraINSSS!!!!! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ [quote][b]“This week at Bungie, we’re rallying to our favorite faction.”[/b][/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Were trying to make you grind out a faction in a pretty lame excuse for an event…suckers! [quote]“Anytime your favorite faction is brought up, some friendly smack talk follows”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] We wish people were still talking about this game [quote]“With Faction Rallies, we get to settle those old scores and declare a winner based on which garners the most Guardian support.”[/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] After grinding for hours guess what it’s not only empty raid chests but now you picked the wrong faction and are gonna be empty handed. RNG PWNS YOU! [quote]“Right now, millions of Guardians are seeking out and destroying enemy supplies,”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Ha ha we like to throw out the word “Millions” to make it sound like more people are playing then actually are. After all these years we still yet have never backed up our claims with hard data. Maybe we should start using Zillions on players? That sounds way more exciting and legit. [quote]“Would you like to know more?”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Cozmo has watched Starship Troopers “Zillions” of times and is kinda a wannabe space natzzi (woot the movie was modeled after a natzzi propaganda movie) [quote]“Many of you are asking, “Who’s in the lead?” We won’t report on the race while it’s still in progress, but next week, once the winning faction rules the Tower unopposed, we might give you some insight on how things shook out. We will announce the winner on Tuesday, October 3, as soon as the scheduled downtime to deploy Hotfix 1.0.3.1 ends. That will be your chance to purchase the weapon from the winning faction in the Tower. There will be a significant discount if you pledged your loyalty to them during the event. The winning faction’s weapon can be purchased anytime during victory week, which lasts until the next reset.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Actually no one’s asking “Who’s in the lead” it more like “Why in the hell did I waste money buying this game?” [quote] “We are eagerly waiting, along with you, to see who prevails. You have until the weekly reset to make your mark on this event, and earn some loot to help define your identity. Get back out there and fight!”[/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Define your identity by looking exactly like the “Zillions” of other players out there as your forced to use the exact same equipment as everyone else to stay competitive. But hey look on the bright side aren’t you glad you can infuse shaders now and have stacks of them you have to delete one by one? [quote] “Jon Weisnewski: Hello, Guardians. Since the launch of Destiny 2, we have been reading your feedback, spectating streams, and watching YouTube videos”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] I’ve been ignoring all your feedback and I do whatever I want which is usually something to piss you off so I can stroke my own ego a little. [quote] “Very recently, we received our first real batch of player data from our analytics team. We’ve also been shoulder-to-shoulder with you in the trenches daily, playing the ever-loving crud out of this game. We’re not ready to go into detail about any weapon or ability tuning at this point, but there is an ongoing process in play, so we did want to drop a quick line and say…”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Warning MASSIVE NERF COMING! [quote] “We have heard your feedback. Thank you! Destiny 2 will get updates that tune the sandbox experience. We are aware of MIDA Multi-Tool’s popularity and are looking at it very closely. It is popular, but according to our data, there are options out there that match or exceed its effectiveness in all activities. Have you found one?”[/quote] [b] *Translation*:[/b] Oh you found a gun that you like and works…Guess which gun is getting NERFED first suckers! [quote] “It’s only the first month of a long adventure. Many players are still gathering weapons for their arsenal and we have a handful of guns that haven’t even hit the game yet. We’re excited to see how things evolve. As always, thanks for playing, and keep the feedback rolling in.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] It’s only a month and we’re already going to nerf the game. Who needs content when you can just increase the resistance on the ol hamster wheel.