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Edited by DeMix:
4/8/2018 9:42:03 PM
23
Pillow - by DeMix
Pillow
My friend Andrew had just brought me home after a long night at a party. I was extremely drunk and fatigued. He walked me in and made sure I didn't break something walking around. He soon left after I fell fast asleep. At about 3:35 A.M. I awoke to a weird grinding noise coming from the basement. I was already feeling like shit after the party, so I found this quite annoying. I stumbled out of bed to go see what it was. It sounded like metal rubbing against a tire. Hard to explain really.
My brain wasn't working entirely. As I opened the door the noise stopped. But that didn't stop me from going to see what it was. I went down only to find nothing. I looked everywhere. I told myself it's just my brain messing with me. Maybe the alcohol. So I went back upstairs. As I go back to my room my pillow from the right side of my bed was missing. I had thought it feel off so I looked under the bed. It wasn't there? That immediately woke me up with caution.
I thought it was my friend Andrew just messing with me. So I called out his name. "Andrew! Stop being a dick and leave! I'm not in the mood!" I yelled. Then I heard a slight thump coming from my closet. So I called Andrew thinking his phone would go off in the closet. Giving away his position. He picked up and said "Dude, It's like 4 in the morning? What is it?" I could feel my heart fall into my stomach. "YOR'RE NOT IN MY CLOSET?" "No?" he replied.
As soon as I said that another thump came from the closet. Followed by the noise of someone about to stand up. I ran outside. Considering there is no way I'm in condition to take on an intruder. I called 911 immediately. Keeping an eye on the front of the house. They came and searched the house. But there was no one there. I didn't go back to that house for at least a month. And went on to pick up a handgun and alarm system for security.
[b]- This story is fiction. I'm just experimenting really. If you guys like this I'll make better ones. More original. And make them scarier and longer. Maybe give me some ideas. I'll take them into consideration. This story is sloppy. I'll do better. I don't mind constructive criticism.
Inspiration - Mr. Nightmare(although those stories are true) Watch his stories if you haven't, great channel.(YouTube)[/b]
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6 RepliesThat is a good start. I think you need to flesh it out a bit more, but try to stay away from things like, "I could tell his soul was full of unending darkness" or " the killer's eyes glowed red". If you read creepypastas, then you will recognize the over used bits and you should stay away from them. If you do not read them, but want to learn about them, check out the podcast Midnight Marinara. Also, you do not have to explain every detail. Identify what is needed to flesh out, because honestly a little of the ole, "But what was that---" is a good thing. Take a page from Hitchcock, give enough detail for the audience member's imagination to run wild, but not so much that they are seeing exactly what is behind the curtain before it is ever lifted.
