I'm not sure, maybe because I'm scared? I want to commit suicide, but the thought of not existing is scary, but also, my life seems pointless and meaningless. I'm not sure why I'm still here, I have no friends, I eat junk food, burn, cut, have addictions that I can't get over, but I guess I don't have the courage to kill myself, everyday, it's the same thing, wake up then I "feel it" I feel the dread of existing and wanting to die. I mean, I try my noose on almost every night, I tighten it, but I'm just not brave enough to put it on the pull up bar, and kick the chair away. I don't even have the right to be depressed, because there are people who have it way worse than me.