So I took a few suggestions and decided to take action against the spider. First off I tried to contain it in a plastic tub but for some reason it managed to get out using some sort of demon magic, as a demon myself I attempted to devour its soul for the overlord. Turned out it didn't have a soul. Then I suddenly thought Spider-Man had something to do with it, so I contacted him and asked him to get rid of it for me, but apparently he has nothing to do with it. In rage I threw a shoe at it and missed. And when I calmed down I decided to thank it for killing all of the other insects in my house, and I asked it if it wants to be my friend, it kindly refused. Enraged again I got my knife and cut it in half, but somehow it put itself back together again. I peed on it to attempt to assert dominance, but it didn't care. So I dabbed on it, but it dabbed back. I was now afraid of the spider, and set my house on fire using a lighter and hairspray. Turned out it was fireproof, so I ran to China and bought a new house and nuked the old one from orbit, multiple times. The area surrounding the house was completely obliterated, save the spider, which was now irradiated. I thought about eating it but quickly decided not to. I watch over the spider now, with it never leaving my sight or moving. I need more ideas of what I could try next, this spider is a serious problem that won't seem to go away. Please help. [spoiler]TLDR: shit happened nothing worked please help[/spoiler]