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OffTopic

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Edited by Karl Marx: 9/15/2018 12:45:44 PM
46

How Would You Rule OffTopic?

[i]Welcome to the Great State of OffTopia! After some internal struggles and a devastating war against #Destiny2, the OffTopians have decided to start all over again. You have been elected to try and lead the country through its first years[/i] 1. [spoiler]Your first task is to form a proper government. While you're still the unquestioned leader of OffTopia, the people requested a Parliament. Thus, we shall organise elections. A) Yes, start an election. Democracy baby! (go to 2) B) We don't need elections here! (go to 3) C) Disband the government! Who needs that anyways? (go to 4)[/spoiler] 2. [spoiler]As you're the unquestioned leader of OffTopia, you can... manipulate the elections a bit, if you know what I mean? A) Fascism is the way to go. (go to 5) B) Keep it to Liberalism (go to 6) C) Glory to Communism! (go to 7)[/spoiler] 3. [spoiler]You proclaim yourself 'Dictator For Life' of the Great Nation of OffTopic. Now that you're the only man in charge in OffTopia, what are your first plans for the future of the country? A) Declare yourself the God-Emperor of Mankind (go to 8) B) Declare war on #Destiny2! (go to 9) C) Raise all taxes to further increase your own wealth. (go to 10)[/spoiler] 4. [spoiler]You disband OffTopia's government, leaving the country to descend into anarchy. Several UN interventions in OffTopia, now known as OffTopistan, have failed. It only takes a few months before you get assassinated by some thugs. YOU DIED [/spoiler] 5. [spoiler]We've reformed OffTopia into a Fascist country. You have renamed the country to the OffTopic State. How will you rule the nation? A) Purge all haters! (go to 11) B) Declare war on #Destiny2! (go to 9) C) Put more funds into the military and expand its power. (go to 12)[/spoiler] 6. [spoiler]The newly formed Republic of OffTopic has been created. All parties are represented equally and the country is stable, for now... A) Ban the Communists. (go to 10) B) Ban the Fascists. (go to 13) C) Start financially supporting society. (go to 14)[/spoiler] 7. [spoiler]OffTopia is now the United Soviet Republic of OffTopic. You have installed a Communist regime. A) Redistribute all possessions. (go to 15) B) Declare war on the Capitalists. (go to 16) C) We're not Communist enough! We need more Communism! (go to 17) [/spoiler] 8. [spoiler]You are now the God-Emperor of Mankind. However, not everyone on this Earth agrees with that idea. How will we... convince them that you're the chosen one? A) Declare war on everyone. Death to those heretics! (go to 16) B) Purge all opposition in your own country. (go to 11) C) We need to give the military more power to make sure we'll win this war. (go to 12)[/spoiler] 9. [spoiler]Without a proper army, you can't win against the mighty #Destiny2, who are helped by the godly Ninja. You are killed on the third day of the war. YOU DIED[/spoiler] 10. [spoiler]The people disagree with your new policy, and are revolting. How do you solve this problem? A) Give the order to fire into the revolting masses. (go to 18) B) Lower taxes. (go to 19) C) Try to negotiate. (go to 20)[/spoiler] 11. [spoiler]Who will we purge? A) The military. (go to 21) B) The universities. (go to 22) C) The factories. (go to 23)[/spoiler] 12. [spoiler]How will we improve the army? A) Start conscripting the people into the army. The more meat we can throw at the enemy, the better! (go to 24) B) We need to develop a secret service to eliminate high-value targets. (go to 25) C) Nukes! NUKES! (go to 26)[/spoiler] 13. [spoiler]Apparently, Fascism is present in the army. They have tried to seize power, and since your own bodyguard have betrayed you, you decide to flee from OffTopia. However, you are intercepted and killed before you can reach the border. YOU DIED[/spoiler] 14. [spoiler]What should we fund? A) The military. (go to 12) B) Education. (go to 27) C) Industry. (go to 28)[/spoiler] 15. [spoiler]The bourgeois of your country disagree with this idea, and the ancient nobles of OffTopia have sent a formal complaint letter. A) Take their money anyway. (go to 29) B) Stop the redistribution process. (go to 10) C) Strip the nobles from all of their power and jail them. (go to 30)[/spoiler] 16. [spoiler]Did you really think you could fight the entire Earth without repercussions? You're an even worse dictator than I thought. YOU DIED [/spoiler] 17. [spoiler]In what direction shall we lead the country? A) Anarchism. (go to 4) B) Trotskism. (go to 31) C) Stalinism. (go to 32)[/spoiler] 18. [spoiler]That didn't work out as expected, now did it? If the people invading your palace didn't kill you, the invading UN forces would surely have intercepted you on your way out of the country. YOU DIED [/spoiler] 19. [spoiler]If you lower taxes, that means you'll need to lower funds for other stuff. A) Lower the education budget. (go to 22) B) The military doesn't need the money we're giving them. (go to 21) C) Pay everything from your own pocket. (go to 33) [/spoiler] 20. [spoiler]You are killed by rebels when you tried to negotiate. Good job. YOU DIED[/spoiler] 21. [spoiler]The military is now a lot weaker, and your old enemy, #Destiny2 notices this. They invade the country and take you out within a day. YOU DIED[/spoiler] 22. [spoiler]Without good education, most citizens start believing in extreme political ideologies. A civil war erupts between the Communists and Fascists. In the turmoil, you're killed by a stray bullet. YOU DIED[/spoiler] 23. [spoiler]Without workers, the factories can't run. This means that the bourgeois starts complaining and eventually send an assassin to kill you. YOU DIED[/spoiler] 24. [spoiler]With this massive army, you easily conquer the world. You are now the global leader, and everyone is now a true OffTopian. However, you did lose millions of OffTopians during the war, but who cares, right? YOU WIN[/spoiler] 25. [spoiler]While you managed to kill several enemy leaders, these countries quickly realised that you were the one behind it all, and they all declared war on you. YOU DIED[/spoiler] 26. [spoiler]The United States came looking for these Weapons of Mass Destruction. They bomb your palace into the ground and your body is never found again, but, hey, OffTopia is a democracy now! YOU DIED [/spoiler] 27. [spoiler]Everyone is well educated, and nobody wants to work in the factories anymore. This causes your country to lose insane amounts of money, so you'll have to cut the budget somewhere. (go to 19)[/spoiler] 28. [spoiler]With the new industrial budget, you have found oil! You are ready to start developing your country with this seemingly unending cash flow, but... BOOM IT'S THE UNITED STATES, BABY *plays national anthem* WE'RE COMING TO LIBERATE THIS COUNTRY FROM IT'S OIL RESERV- I MEAN OPPRESSORS! YOU DIED [/spoiler] 29. [spoiler]Good call. If nobody is rich, nobody is poor either, so everyone is happy in this perfect Communist state! Except for you, because you got killed by an assassin sent by the nobles. YOU DIED[/spoiler] 30. [spoiler]Now that the industry is without leaders, your country is literally falling apart. (go to 4)[/spoiler] 31. [spoiler]Like a true Trotskist, you try to start a Communist revolution in each country. This essentially means that you indirectly declared war on the world. (go to 16)[/spoiler] 32. [spoiler]You rule your country for the next 50 years, using the 'great' Stalin as your example. While you manage to hold onto power, the people aren't exactly happy, but who cares? The United Soviet Republic of OffTopic will endure the ages! YOU WIN (kinda?)[/spoiler] 33. [spoiler]While you're officially the poorest country in the world, the UN keeps sending convoys to help your third-world country. Average life span is low, everyone is underfed but you manage to keem ruling. YOU WIN (but only you, as the rest of the country is slowly starving) [/spoiler]

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