[i]Somewhere, in a narrow asteroid field at the Reef[/i] Voidwalker: “There it is! The Bridge of Salt!” Sunbreaker: “Oh, great.” VW: “Look! There’s the old Fallen Monk from D1!” Striker: “What is he doing here?” VW: “He is the temporary keeper of the Bridge of Salt. He asks each Guardian 5 questions—“ Dawnblade: “3 questions.” VW: “3 questions. He who answers the 5 questions—“ DB: “3 questions.” VW: “— 3 questions, may cross in safety.” SB: “What if you get a question wrong?” VW: “Then you are transmatted into a one-sided Crucible match!” SB: “Oh, I won’t go.” DB: “Who’s going to answer the questions?” VW: “Sunbreaker!” SB: “Yes?” VW: “Brave Sunbreaker, you go.” SB: “...Hey.... I’ve got a great idea! Why doesn’t the Arcstrider go?” Arcstrider: “Yes, let me go, fireteam leader. I will take him singlehanded. I shall sneak up on him from behind and—“ VW: “No no no, hang on, hang on. JUST answer the 5 questions—“ DB: “3 questions.” VW: “3 questions as best you can, and we shall watch. And pray. AS: “I understand, fireteam leader.” VW: “Good luck, brave Arcstrider! Traveler be with you!” [i]The Arcstrider approaches the bridge[/i] Variks: “Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Salt must answer me these questions three ere the other side he see.” AS: “Ask me your questions, Variks. I’m not afraid.” Variks: “What... is your class?” AS: “I’m an Arcstrider, Hunter.” Variks: “What... is your quest?” AS: “To seek a Forsaken Exotic.” Variks: “What... is your favorite Fallen House?” AS: “Judgement.” Variks: “Right, off you go.” AS: “..... Oh, thank you. Thank you very much!” SB: “...... That’s easy!” [i]Everyone rushes to the bridge[/i] Variks: “Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Salt must answer me these questions three ere the other side he see.” SB: “Ask me your questions, Variks. I’m not afraid.” Variks: “What... is your class?” SB: “I’m a Sunbreaker, Titan” Variks: “What... is your quest?” SB: “To seek a Forsaken Exotic.” Variks: “What... was the name of the Kell of the House of Stone?” SB: “..... I don’t know that!” *Transmatted* [i]The Dawnblade approaches the bridge[/i] Variks: “Stop! What... is your class?” DB: “I’m a Dawnblade, Warlock.” Variks: “What... is your quest?” DB: “To seek a Forsaken Exotic.” Variks: “What... is your favorite Fallen House?” DB: “Judgement..... No! Rain—“ *Transmatted* [i]The Voidwalker approaches the bridge[/i] Variks: “Stop! What... is your class?” VW: “I’m a Voidwalker, Warlock.” Variks: “What... is your quest?” VW: “To seek a Forsaken Exotic.” Variks: “What.... is the airspeed velocity of an unladen Sparrow?” VW: “What do you mean? An Eververse or Shipwright Sparrow?” Variks: “Uh, what’s a Shipwright?” *Transmatted* S: “Do you think he’ll be alright?” VW: “I’ve heard legends about a Guardian who is in love with him and will always protect him. I’m sure he’ll be fine.” [b][i]END[/i][/b] This post is a parody of: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0D7hFHfLEyk [b][i]BURN THE WITCH PARODY COMING SOON[/i][/b]