So, I've been watching you people for a while now, I've got things to tell you. First of all, Zavala's a frickin dick. Good, now that that's out of the way, I can actually start.
I've seen the Crucible. I've seen the strikes, the raids, everything. All that you've done since I killed Ghaul when his power was over 9,000. I've been a witness to everything since that moment. And I can't say I'm very proud.
I heard some hunters on your wall talking about one of my chosen. Shin Malphur. From what I heard, the two veterans were telling this "Gunslinger" how Malphur created the power this guardian now has. And how he did so out of vengeance. I am aware that Yor was murdering Guardians. But the entire reason I created you was to protect me. That was it. And this leads me into my next thing.
Your "loot". It prevents you from realizing that I gave you guys the freaking Light(TM-yup, I just trademarked that). I mean, who needs a gun when I gave you a handheld nuke, turned you into Captain America, or gave you a fancy trapper bow? All I'm asking is a little more respect, guys. I mean, come on.
[spoiler]'tis but some satire[/spoiler]
-
Because cooldowns, Traveler. We need to use something while our kitchen knives are heading up in the oven.