[spoiler]Now, in terms of the story, uhh, clearly... it’s brilliant. It’s amazing, and I like it a lot, but there is one critical element that’s missing: it needs a sexual punch-up. We need to get a female lead character in there that [protagonist] can bang throughout the whole [story]. See, one of the problems with Shyamalan’s movies is that they lack a certain eroticism. What if we were to bring, ehhh... an incredibly hot but skeptical female lab partner into the mix, and then that way whenever [protagonist]’s not out bustin’ heads because he smelled crime, he’s back at the lab performing [i]outrageous[/i] sexual experiments on her supple young body. Now, here’s the twist—and there is a twist... ... we show it. We show [i]all[/i] of it. Because what’s the one major thing missing from all action [stories] these days, guys? Full penetration. Guys, we’re gonna show full penetration and we’re gonna show a [i]lot[/i] of it. I mean, we’re talking, you know, [i]graphic[/i] scenes of [protagonist] Lundgren really goin’ to town on this hot young lab tech. From behind, sixty-nine, anal, vaginal, cowgirl, reverse-cowgirl; all the hits, all the big ones, all the good ones—and then he smells crime again, he’s out bustin’ heads. Then he’s back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime, back to the lab, full penetration. Crime, penetration; crime, full penetration; crime, penetration; and this goes on and on and back and forth for ninety or-so minutes until the movie just sort of ends. [/spoiler]

I love that you're starting to write. Writing is really the only thing that keeps my sanity, though I don't post my writing on here often. The main thing that struck me as a more broad criticism is that there was a little too much telling rather than showing of what the characters did. The dialogue was pretty good, but the descriptions of characters and actions weren't descriptive enough. Try to do as little of "They did", or "they were" and the like, and focus on more detailed explanations Great job though!

*pounds* Isekai! *pounds* Isekai! *pounds* Isekai! *pounds* Isekai! *pounds* Isekai! *pounds* Isekai!

Looks pretty good! A couple of things I can say though: [quote]“You alright there mate?” [i]A man, tall, broad, most likely a hunter.[/i][/quote] I don't know about other people, but personally I don't really like the "RP" style of writing, if you get what I mean. There's a word for it but I can't remember it. I would write it like this. [quote]“You alright there mate?” he asked. I looked him over. "Tall, broad, heavily armed... he must be a hunter", I thought.[/quote] And like Aifos said, the lack of buildup for the stranger is slightly off-putting.

[quote]Times have been rough, I wish I could help you...” [i]I don’t reply.[/i] “Come with me boy. Let me help you, I’ll get you some food and we can talk...” [i]He offers.[/i][/quote] To me, these lines are weird and contradictory. One line ago, mysterious hunter man is saying he can't help, then proceeds to help anyway! Was the first one supposed to be in the past tense? If so, then it should be could've instead of could.

I really liked it! I think Aifos and Cmirg already covered everything, so I don’t have any more suggestions. I can’t wait to see what you do next!

Noice. I’d get back into RP

Two big things struck me as off; The first is the way you had your character’s emotions portrayed. Take this line; [quote]”...” I can’t say anything.[/quote] It’s kind of redundant. The “...” already implies you didn’t reply, so we don’t really need you to reaffirm that. Instead, elaborating on why you couldn’t say anything might’ve been better. [quote]”...” I can’t say a word. Maybe I knew it was because he was right—that the old man cared for us in his own, flawed way.. Or maybe I didn’t like the way this guy acted like he knew him better than me.[/quote] Alternatively, either the “...” or the “I can’t say anything..” would’ve worked on their own. The other issue is the total lack of buildup. The protag either should’ve had more time alone with his thoughts, or the stranger should’ve been introduced in a less.. Sudden way, for lack of a better word. Something like [quote]“Oi, (protag), that you? What are you doing out in the rain?” “I’m sorry, do I know you?” “Oh, sorry, guess you wouldn’t remember. I’m a friend of your father’s.”[/quote] The biggest piece of advice I can give here, though, is to remember that if you’re writing in first person, we should hear more of the protag’s thoughts. If you want us to be a bit distant, and not know what he’s thinking as much, I’d switch to third person.

BUwUmp

Ok this is good, I like this, no criticisms necessary that I can see, fellow writer.

Where is that new tag of yours?