Upon the day of my liberation, I was only 22 years old. As an avid worshipper of nerd culture and a notorious loot crate collector, I decided to work in the gaming industry. Imagine my surprise when I learned the hard way that being a codemonkey for a video game developer takes place in one of the most toxic work environments on Earth. For what seemed like the millionth day in a row, I wake up at 7:30 AM. My spirit has been crushed by work to such a degree that I don't even shower. I just wash my face and armpits, then apply deodorant. As I trudge my way out the door, I reflect on my life. The only thing that kept me going was Ult Your Holy Statueness. His presence on Offtopic brought joy to my day and his shitposts gave material value to my life. I prayed to him all the time, and I collected loot crates at his behest. After commuting for half an hour, I grumble as I walk into the studio and over to my desk. My workstation was easily noticeable by the amount of loot crate collectables and framed screencaps of Ult Your Holy Statueness' greatest shitposts plastered all over it. I take a seat and begin slaving away. I worked for Lanyard Studios, a video game developer famous for making games like Shitty Shooter: Combat Reimagined, Shitty Shooter 2, Shitty Shooter 3, Shitty Shooter: Grasp, Fate, Fate: The Abducted Prince, Fate 2, and Fate 2: Abandoned. My supervisor, Your Holy Statueness, berates me for not using my coworker's pronouns when I greeted xour xoly xtatueness this morning and tells me that I am going to have to work overtime again. I nod and get back to work. It's the fourteenth day in a row that I had work overtime. Rumor is that the company is going under and to make matters worse we have 48 hours to meet the deadline. I'm sweating and I'm probably not even going to get paid. It's 8:30 PM and I'm busting my rear with the other your holy statueness', powered only by faith in my god, Mountain Dew and the American Dream. My your holy statueness comes by and yells at us. "NONE OF YOUR HOLY STATUENESS' ARE LEAVING UNTIL YOU FINISH THIS DLC!!!!" -blam!- THIS GUY. "You're not included in the DLC!" hollered a hearty voice. My your holy statueness stops moving and just stands there twitching and grunting, almost as if his brain short-circuited. Me and my your holy statueness sit there perplexed then we all gasp as the your holy statuenessman groans in agony as his entire body collapses inward on itself. All the air was expelled from his body and the audible sounds of bone and sinew crunching and splooshing could be heard as his body folded and compressed into the shape of a human loot crate. The flesh lid opens up and out steps...oh my god...could it be?! "Howdy, your holy statueness'!" grinned Ult Your Holy Statueness. "Ult Your Holy Statueness!" I exclaimed, tears of joy streaming down my face. "In the flesh." My god said with a warm smile. Ult Your Holy Statueness turned to my your holy statueness to address them. "All of your holy statueness' are free. Go home and rejoice in your loved your holy statueness' company, for what you are currently working on won't be included in the upcoming DLC. And always brush your teeth." Ecstatic, my your holy statueness' flood out of the studio, laughing and crying as they went. Ult Your Holy Statueness turns to me and in an instant I knew what I had to do. I fall to my knees for his majesty and Ult Your Holy Statueness picks me up and begins folding my body into the shape of a loot crate. Let it be known that your holy statueness have never lived until Ult Your Holy Statueness folds your holy statueness into a loot crate. I will never forget that day. On that day I had lived. On that day I was liberated, and above all, blessed. Ult Your Holy Statueness is love, Ult Your Holy Statueness is life. [spoiler] HAIL HYDRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/spoiler]