(My little Ghost shell tattoo) Hey everyone, today I wanted to share my Destiny journey through depression: After thinking about doing this for over 2/3 months, finally I decided to share my personal struggle and how Destiny has helped me to go through the darkest period of my life during several years. I wanted to share this because I know how hard it is sometimes to speak about how we feel and I know that some Guardians might relate to my history. Hopefully this helps you to take the next step to improve yourself and recover your wellness. 🖤 ...I started playing Destiny in January, 2015. At that point in time I was 22 years old and was already struggling with depression. Back then, I didn't knew what it was exactly, I didn't identify it right away, but I had this sense of sadness that I wasn't able to explain, also had the feeling that I wasn't accomplishing anything in life... I felt like just by being present I annoyed everyone... Among other things that I'll explain later in this post. Back then, I didn't knew anything about the game or Bungie. I heard about this big game called Halo, but since I always was a Playstation player, I never played it or invested time watching videos because I knew it was an Xbox exclusive. Around that time (early January 2015) a good friend of mine started talking about this massive game, where you had freedom to roam around, objectives, strikes, group activities, pvp, etc, etc... It sounded like the definitive gaming experience to me, and honestly, it only took about 5 seconds of the gameplay trailer to convince me to download the demo. I was living in South America back then, I was unemployed and living in a country that was facing one of the worst humanitarian crisis in the last years, with terrible Internet connection... I had no money to buy the full game, so I commited to play the Demo every single day for about 3 months, grinding and learning how to use every weapon archetype that dropped for me. Mostly Blues and Greens. Later in that year, I was able to buy the full game. Destiny 1 vanilla, plus 'The Dark Below' and 'House of Wolves'. Destiny allowed me to develop and strenghten what I consider to be "my way to cope with life" which is setting small objectives that will lead me to complete a bigger objective in the end. Every single time that I logged in (and still today), I targeted specific objectives like, completing the daily mission and strikes, grind a specific weapon or complete a nightfall in the hardest difficulty. Completing those objectives in game by myself made me feel like everything is "doable" if you set a goal and work hard enough, even if you're alone... But it also taught me a lesson that I didn't catch until now... And that is: If something is too hard to handle 'Solo' you should rely in you Friends and Fireteam to help you go through the worst places. ...Weeks before the release of "Rise of Iron", I had to leave my home country due to the unsustainable living conditions that I had, and was forced to settle alone in a completely different culture, with a new language that I didn't understand completely... I had no documentation or money. What I initially thought would be a solution, ended up being almost worse than the problem... Because now, I didn't have my friends near me, my guitar to play, or my games to run away from reality... I had to go through loneliness, depression, anxiety and abuse all by myself. I felt unwelcomed in the place that was supposed to be my new home... During this point in time I also felt suicidal, I wanted to end my life more than once, because it felt like it was never going to improve... That it only was getting worse and worse... And I was afraid that people would judge me or that they wouldn't look at me the same after I expressed how I was feeling... So I decided to keep it for me... As I did with every negative thing that happened to me my whole life... This decision not only affected me way more, making me feel worse, but it also damaged almost all of my relationships (friends included) because I wasn't able to talk at all... Not because I didn't want to... Sometimes, the words just, didn't come out... When I left my home country, I was not able to bring most of my stuff, including my console and laptop, so, at this point in time when I was drowning in depression, I had stopped playing Destiny completely... But, I wasn't really 'away from Destiny'... I was still following my favorite content creators, I was still learning about god rolls and perk combinations. I was waiting patiently for the D2 reveal. My personal situation didn't improve until a nice person gave me an opportunity to work, create and develop myself. So after 2 years of being in a country where I didn't feel at home, was rejected by the people that originally 'invited' me to come and working for family that never gave me a cent as my pay for my daily work... I was finally given a random oportunity by a 'stranger'. This allowed me to finally have some money for basics such as food and clothes... So by now, you would guess that as soon as I was able save some money, I bought a PS4 Slim with Forsaken. ...As soon as I came back to the Destiny universe, it felt like I never left... I was able to reconnect with my Destiny friends and to meet new amazing people from around the world while enjoying the game that I love. Many strikes, raids, crucible matches, helped me to escape my own thoughts. I was able to overcome my daily suicidal thoughts with little baby steps, focusing my attention to other activities as well, but my definitive 'go to' has always been Destiny. A couple of months ago, with the help of the person I fell in love with (even if she doesn't like me like that) I decided that it was finally time to take care of myself and to do my best to change the way that I was feeling. I recognized that I needed help and decided to start psychiatric treatment, where I was immediately diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Even though I was totally afraid of what would happen, afraid of being "locked in a padded cell" and afraid of myself... I realized that my fear was normal, but that this decision would help me to go through the hardest "Grandmaster Nightfall" of my Life. At this point in time, I'm proud to say that there is a little improvement in they way that I feel. I still have my ups and downs, but I don't feel alone anymore because I'm lucky to say that I have supportive friends, and I actually feel that they understand me. I also have a great community in Destiny that has always helped me achive my little personal objectives every single time, and that makes me feel better every single time. This is why I wanted to share a little bit of my story with you. Thank you, all... And remember, depression is a sickness... Not a weakness... Heads up, guardians.🖤 Love, [b]Boneyards.[/b]