I don’t know if my family knows how to celebrate holidays appropriately, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have been intoxicated for a week, with brief interludes from noon to 5 for outings. It started with a blatant theft of personal property. A few weeks back I got my responsible big brother to buy some ciggies, which I kept in my room for good times with friends (don’t smoke alone kids.) Upon their arrival, I smoked with two other brothers, who later found my stash and snaked the rest. Bass turds. Everyday, my younger brother was the first to sleep, and first to arise. Little man bluescreens after two beers, but shames the rest of us for sleeping in. I awoke every day to him standing in the doorway with my acoustic, performing a very key-estranged arrangement of Drunken Sailor. My niece is a menace. She’s 2. She’s incredibly polite, well mannered, and toxically cute. But she has an alter ego that takes hold when she’s got her entire arm in the shark puppet. Terror. She knows her power and bestows her will mercilessly. There is no reasoning with the shark puppet My best friend visited, and brought his girlfriend for us to meet. I love her. I expected very little given his dating history, but she’s fantastic. Funny part is, she’s got a fainting disorder. With no warning, she will pass out HARD, but revive in almost seconds. Our team is dominating at kickball? Asleep at 3rd base. The museum staff doesn’t like us? She’s on the floor. Easter vigil mass? You better grab her before she crushes that poor old lady. Despite this disorder, she will not miss out on ANYTHING. We did a 12 mile hike, played sports every day, and drank to vomit every night. She was game for everything, and stumbling to catch her was always hilarious. In kickball I busted my knee sliding home, in drunk volleyball I jammed two fingers, in soccer my knee was rebusted, and my unprotected shin mutilated, at the gun range a shiny little casing took a bad jab at my temple, on our hike I rolled my ankle, in an impromptu foot race my chess piece necklace bounced up and slashed a gum, my friend opened the trunk door into my head, my back was bruised on a rock wrestling my brother, my sister crushed one of my toenails in her wobbly heels, and my legs are all cut up from ragers in the woods. I’m not too good at celebrating. Btw per tradition Easter szn lasts 40 days. Keep buying chocolate.