At my cafeteria is a big basket of bananas These bananas are amongst the very few edible foods the caf offers My caf is also very much against student “theft” We pay for this food, how is this theft? If they see you leave with one banana, fine But if you try to run off with a bunch of bananas you will be stopped Why? They hate joy I think There’s no shortage of bananas, I’m not depriving any other students of their bananas I just want em A lot of em I end every meal with a low stakes banana heist I’m constantly trying out new tactics to get away with as many bananas as possible I have a grey coat that can fit 6 bananas in each pocket But if I don’t have time to deposit my bananas in my room, I have two pockets full of bananas the rest of the day I can fit a lot of bananas in my backpack But again if I cannot deposit them I have lots of banana with bruises from my notebooks And then I have to dig through a sea of bananas to get to my notebooks The safest method of banana transportation involves employing my friends as banana mules The water bottle pockets on our backpacks guarantee safe and low-impact travel for my bananas But this reduces the banana income to 4 bananas per heist I work to maintain a steady supply of bananas, but find it increasingly difficult to be satisfied by the yield or quality of these bananas I’m gonna consult a business major They’re good at crookery