[url=http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/03/department-of-defense-to-award-purple-heart-for-butthurt/]Source[/url] [quote]WASHINGTON, DC – In the wake of the newly unveiled Distinguished Warfare Medal, the Department of Defense intends to relax standards on the nation’s oldest military decoration – the Purple Heart. Under the expanded interpretation, the award will now be available to any disgruntled service member suffering from disillusionment and shattered expectations. “Acute Rectal Inflammation, colloquially known as ‘butthurt,’ is a serious and grossly underrated epidemic plaguing our military,” Lieutenant Jimmy Chang, Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine, told The Duffel Blog. “Essentially, psychological or emotional trauma, stemming from either internal or external stimuli, manifests itself and eventually begets anal trauma. In severe cases, butt cells can become so hurt that they become malignant. In fact, butthurt is the leading cause of colon cancer among service members.”[/quote] This will probably help improve morale in the face of impending budget cuts, but why stop here? Cases like this have spread far beyond the military, with most civilians experiencing symptoms of butthurt in varying degrees throughout the past few years. What do you think: butthurt taxcuts? Maybe incentives for butthurt small businesses or self-employed people?