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This thread is inspired by another: view original post
4/29/2013 10:33:39 PM
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I'm tired of being a straight white whale
Seriously it sucks. I just wish sometimes I could be a humpback or blue whale, my life so much easier.
The problem with being a white whale is you are born with an expected "white guilt". You are supposed to feel bad for Captain Ahab and how he gets drunk on public rum. It would be great if I was a sailor I could just blame all my problems on white whales.
Another thing that sucks about being a white whale is affirmative action. Equally qualified black porpoises will get to go to the breeding grounds cheaper, get mated with more, so the females appear "diverse" and a bunch of other unfair advantages based on skin color alone.
Another thing that sucks is the rampant racism against white whales. Ahab on white whale crime is so much higher than vise versa but if it's white on Ahab crime it's a "hate crime" and you have some psycho sea captain chasing you forever. Also it's acceptable for Ahab's people to call me "that white bastid" but i call an Ahab "Food" I'm assumed a rabid man eater.
And when I do work hard and become successful as a white whale, people disregard my accomplishments and years of work and say its easy for white whales. It hurts my feelings.
I also wish I wasn't a whale. Being a whale is tough these days with femenists trying to take our rights and equality away. And when we get divorced the female whale takes most of our kryll, not to mention we get no birth control rights.
Being straight is also hard these days. I can't have any straight pride unlike the gay whales. When I tell them I'm proud of my sexuality they say their is nothing to be proud of being straight. It shames me and makes me wish I could have a nice parade like them and not be considered a bigot.
Life overall would be much better if I was a gay, Ahab. But oh well, guess ill have to tough it out.
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20 RepliesOnce upon a time I could ban retards for parody threads for 14 days.
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Misspelled vice versa...
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It's so hard being a white man in America nowadays.
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I FOUND 'IM AHAB, I FOUND 'IM!
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2 RepliesIts Ok. We're here for you..... *Whispers to B.net* [i]"We have to put him down guys"[/i]
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1 ReplyQuit your blubbering.
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Well done.
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I think Charlie has lost it.
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5 Repliesyou white whales have had it so good compared to the rest of us for so long it's only fair that you guys get the shaft once in a while too.
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Edited by aBallisticToucan: 5/3/2013 2:37:42 AMThis is what bnet has come to... ...Which is pretty impressive compared to old bnet to be honest.
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What is this madness? Relinquish your contact essence!
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[quote]I also wish I wasn't a whale. Being a whale is tough these days with femenists trying to take our rights and equality away. And when we get divorced the female whale takes most of our kryll, not to mention we get no birth control rights.[/quote]"birth control rights" - lol, remember [u]YOU[/u] went there. #1 - isn't "Femenists" spelt "feminists"? #2 - by "[i]birth control rights[/i]" are you referring to the rights of a mother to keep her natural child? (ie not have some krill eating sperm whale using his wealth and lawyers to remove those rights)
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1 ReplyDon't wish to be a fish Charlie, [u]they don't sleep[/u]. Literally, they can't shut there eyes for more than a second, they're not allowed to sleep.
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Why not be a curved black shark?
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You are a fool.
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Booho cry some moar
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Preach it.
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Charlie, you usually have good material... This one? eh...too wordy...
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1 ReplyI-Is it bad that i like this thread?
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Damn that dork.
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Bullshit Charlie! Everyone knows you're a Cat!
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Don't know why people are knocking this thread. It's one of your better parodies recently, and one of the better threads on the front page right now.
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blue whale master race
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Dolphins are where it's at. I know a guy that can lift and tuck a few things to make it happen.
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You should be a sperm whale.
