I got unbanned, yay! To celebrate, I'm posting this again. Hopefully some other members will get to read it this time so it isn't old-hat. I'll add more later today. I [b][i][u]promise[/u][/i].[/b] First: http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post?id=61889006 Second: http://www.bungie.net/7_The-Ultimate-Flood-Showdown-Part-2/en/Forum/Post?id=61889483 And so it continues: The Floof stood united against their one remaining enemy: JOHN CENA. Daniel Bryan stepped forward out of the crowd. "I should be the one to defeat you!" he proclaimed. "I've done it before, and I'll do it again!" Nul Arc shoved past Daniel Bryan. "I came here from the futer to defeat you, to gain glory and the right to wield this sword!" He raised the holy weapon above his head. Gojira and Superman roflstomped the two back into the bigger crowd of the Floof. "I have the power to destroy you in the blink of an eye!" claimed Gojira. "And I, the power to throw you into the sun with near-infinite force!" Superman seemed angry. One by one, each Floofian claimed their right to destroy JOHN CENA. For each announcement, JOHN CENA laughed harder and harder. Alts began to spawn at his feet, multiplying like rats. Harlow approached behind JOHN CENA, and the Floofians gasped in horror as, one by one, each member of Sapphire rose out of the pit. Harlow giggled evilly. Jay began to scream feminist propaganda towards the Floodians, and slowly the force began to weaken. Gojira lost his shit and lasered Jay in the face, but accidentally burned down whatever city WinyPit lived in, resulting in WinyPit's computer unfortunately being burned to the ground. At least Jay died. Superman began to blast through alts with the typing speed of a thousand suns, his keyboard burning with righteous fury. However, Harlow, with his amazing powers of hate, depressed Superman to the point where he didn't want to live on this planet anymore. "3edgy5me." He flew off into space in disgust. Luckily for the Flood (Floof), Elegiac's forum stats were over 9000. His durability levels were off the charts, and he withstood every attack that Harlow could throw at him. In the end, Harlow collapsed from spending two days without sleep posting hateful comments. Ch33zyburrito whipped the rest of Sapphire's ass back to the 6th page of comments, assisted by the Suede Uzi, who preached the word of Coup d'Bungie far and wide across the netcode. JOHN CENA screamed in fury as the three approached Harlow, lying on the ground in a puddle of Mountain Dew and Doritos, crying and chanting "Sapphire is love, Sapphire is life," over and over again. The three companions descended upon Harlow. Their unfortunate victim moaned once and was still. RC5908 and Bobby Hill (and his flab) get to be the main characters for this part because of their excessive nagging. A new challenger approached, summoned from the deepest pit of hell by JOHN CENA. xBADMAGIKx in all his bloody hatred, rose like some sort of creature from a swamp. Minions and alts chanted evil hymns to their god The Master Troll, sacrificing their bodies to BADMAGIK to give him the power needed to destroy the Flood. RC5908 quickly saw his plan and began a counter. He began charging Super Saiyan power from Kakka Carrot Cake to fuel his responses. He begn adapting the Navy Seals hymn from evil to good. The voices of Floodians rang out in an immaculate chorus as the words flowed around him in a sermon lead by The Tempun. "What the shiska did you just say about me, you little peg boy?" The texts began to flow around RC faster and faster, transforming him into a TRUE Super Saiyan. "I'll have you know that I've been involved in numerous secret raids against Sapphire," the chorus of Floodians continued. Saleem began to cry tears of pure joy at the beauty of the words. BADMAGIK began his attacks, weaving evil spam and hatemail spells to launch at the Floof while RC5908 was charging. "THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!" exclaimed RC, which signaled Bobby Hill to carry out his instructions. Bobby Hill's flab morphed into a shield protecting the hard-worn Floofians(who were still fighting against the filthy peasants) from further attack by BADMAGIK's spells. Ch33zyBurrito looked up to Bobby Hill in thanks. "Blessings of propane be upon you, Protector!" With a nod, Bobby flew away to harass BADMAGIK and give RC5908 time to charge his power levels to over 9000, and buy the Floofians more life. As Bobby approached BADMAGIK, he began to feel weak. His flab melted off of him and was replaced by muscle from BADMAGIK's fitness posts. He fell to the ground, sobbing as women flocked around his sexy body. " I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!" he cried as he was absorbed by the female horde. The sight of Bobby's death left A Stolen Fruit stricken with sadness. He flew up and away from the plebeian battle below with Player3Th0mas to avenge Bobby's death. Hank, enraged by the loss of his beloved son, followed them using a rocket made of propane to catch up. BADMAGIK began to throw fitness posts at them, but the intrepid three forged on through the fire and the flames, blessed by the power of Big Boss, who unfortunately had to be left behind to command the Floodian army alongside Vien. As they approached BADMAGIK, the attacks began to vary. Hatred flew from BADMAGIK's fingers like rays of darkness, cutting through Hank's propane rocket. The unfortunate father was thrown aside by the force and fell into the battle below, trampled by the hordes of filthy plebs. Player3Th0mas screamed in anger and smashed into BADMAGIK with all of his might, circling around him faster and faster, landing punches all over BADMAGIK's body until, with one final show of force, he smashed completely through BADMAGIK's body. The narrator's voice echoed out through the battlefield, and everything went into slow motion as both sides looked up in awe. "C-C-C-COMBO BREAKERRRRRR!" BADMAGIK screamed and fell back towards JOHN CENA, but planted a virus on Player3Th0mas' computer. Th0mas slowly began to fade, chunks of data being erased from his body. A Stolen Fruit held him in his arms, sobbing. "You were always the greatest poster on bnet! You were my best friend!" Th0mas looked up past Fruit. "I'm not done yet, buddy." And with a flash of light, Th0mas was cured. The virus dissipated and Th0mas was left clean. He looked up into the sky with tears of gratitude and joy in his eyes. "Thank you, Based God." Fruit carried Th0mas, still weak, back to Big Boss and Vien to see if their master DeeJ would assist in recovering Th0mas' missing files. RC5908 had finished charging. He went full Super Saiyan and blasted through the battlefield, destroying the filthy console plebs in a blaze of righteous glory on his way to BADMAGIK's weakened form. "Darn you, RC5908! You am no REAL super sand!" "What do you mean, GOODSORCERY?" "I'm going... NNGGG URGH... TO FIGHT... nrugh agh... YOUUUUUUUUUUUUWUWUWUWUWUWU!!!!1!!11!!" And so their glorious battle began. RC flew up into the air and bitch-slapped BADMAGIK with the force of a million Chris Browns, emitting a high-pitched war cry. He followed up with a flurry of punches that closely resembled Kirby on crack cocaine. The evil sorcerer fell to the ground, defeated, his body ruined by the force of the multitude of Falcon Punches. However, the dirty console plebs began to chant. "Ya need a little revive!" Louder and louder, until their evil, ear-destroying song filled each brave warrior's mind. The Floofians fell back, disgusted by the terribad music that didn't fit their standards of old rock and dubstep, while RC5908 was stuck in the blast, cringing and screaming, trying to drown out the noise. BADMAGIK began to rise, body coursing with dark energy. The smell of rotting flesh filled the air as his muscles grew disproportionately. RC, still screaming incoherently, ears bleeding, was caught in the baddy's deathly grip. "SIR, ARE THE FGT CANNONS STILL OPERATIONAL?!" screamed Froggert as the chanting died down. "There's only one round left, son. Make it count." Ch33zy sounded relaxed, even in the all-out mayhem. The battle seemed still as Froggert maneuvered the cannons into position. A "no u" bullet went through Legion's head. Ch33zy went down in a blast from a meme launcher. Explosions buzzed dully in his head. Nyan launchers were being fired left and right. Streams of copypasta text whirled past Froggert's head as the cannon settled into position. Froggert stared down the sight at his target. RC5908 was in between him and BADMAGIK. There was no way he could get a clean shot without hitting them both, but if he did nothing RC would die anyways. His palms were sweaty. His knees; weak. His arms; heavy. [i]Mom's spaghetti.[/i] He fired. STAY TUNED!