I win.

I take my badass spaceship, my badass space crew, and go on a badass adventure of badassery throughout the galaxy. We spend two years flying among the stars, searching for adventure and riches in a void full of opportunity. After so long, we begin to become dissatisfied with our lot. Continual success in everything we do makes our travels boring and repetitive. So when, finally, we are attacked by a group of alien space pirates, we are elated by the opportunity for a challenge and defeating the evil scum of the galaxy. After a dramatic battle, where boarding parties are traded by both ships, good men are lost, and both ships heavily damaged, my second-in-command performs a brilliant military move that destroys the enemy's ship, but sacrifices his own life in the process. Left with no ship to return to, the alien pirates become our prisoners. A good cop-bad cop interrogation takes place, with me as the bad cop taking out the loss of my second-in-command on the prisoners, and my attractive female left-hand-woman as the good cop, holding me back when I come too close to beating the snot out of the prisoners. She gives me Toast in an Envelope to calm me down. Through this interrogation, I learn of the location of the enemy pirate base, as well as the locations of the nearest Space Gas Stations and Space McDonalds on the route there. I purchase 777 Tijuana Mamas and 343 Soffish from the first Space Gas Station we meet with.Preparing to exact my final revenge on the pirates for the taking of the life of my right-hand-man, one of the prisoners tells me of the greatest treasure their disgusting organization possesses: A cookie, unlike any others. Found hidden among billions of cookies sold to them in a rather bizarre exchange, there was nothing outwardly different about it, but still it stood out far above and beyond all other cookies. They kept it locked up in a complex series of security measures in the middle of their asteroid base. I make my decision. We will steal from them that which they hold most dear in exchange for what they stole from us: The Cookie. We blast our way into the system, through weaving formations of mismatched fighters and light capital ships. After dodging, ducking, diving, dipping, and dodging our way the through the clouds of enemies, we break through. In the middle lies the asteroid base. I make some incredible complex mental calculations and order a shot to be fired at a specific spot on the asteroid. The missile impacts, destroying the outer shell all the way down to an inch away from the room containing The Cookie. The air pressure inside overbalances the vacuum outside, and the rock breaks, venting air and propelling The Cookie toward our ship, where my attractive female now-right-hand-woman is flying a jet pack at supersonic speeds on the end of a long line attached to our ship. Just as she reaches the end of the line's reach, she intercepts The Cookie and is immediately reeled back in. We blast away from the base at over 9000 miles per hour. The swarm of ships, enraged at their loss pursue us out of the system. High-speed space battling ensues. For good measure, I nuke it from orbit and kill it all with fire. The base and most of the fleet are enveloped in a fireball that threatens to overtake us as we dramatically flee the system, the ultimate prize now in my hands.

I find your billions of cookies sell them yo a gang of space alien pirates

I take the cookie from your mattress and shove it down your throat after putting an untraceable poison in it so that you will be my slave for all of eternity while never passing the cookie. I win.

i bake another batch of cookies....

I hide the the cookie... in my underwear

GIVE MEH COOKIE OR I WILL TELL MR. KRABS THE COOKIES ARE MONEY!!!!

Mah COOKIE