I'm looking for feedback on an essay I'm writing, about the moral justification of torture. The point is to argue the position using several different moral systems. The point of this thread isn't to debate torture, and I want to make clear that the essay may or may not reflect my actual views. Any feedback is great, but I'm particularly interested in whether my arguments are clear and consistent, whether you feel there is a strong thesis, and any grammatical issues.
[url=https://www.dropbox.com/s/w3zxgi07yh09g31/Torture%20Essay%20Sample.docx]Sample portion[/url] (download it since the preview cuts off the top paragraph for some reason)
Stuff that's good: "Turkey, your essay sucks because your argument about the doctrine of double effect on page 3 is completely wrong." [It actually is, and I need to change it]
Stuff that's bad: "Turkey, your essay sucks because torture is mean and I hate you."
Stuff to consider:
Is my language too flowery? (i.e., am I using big words just to sound smart)
Do I ignore counterarguments?
Do I have any filler? Can anything be cut?
Etc.
Edit: Sources will be added later.
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Edited by KilljoyDetective: 4/25/2014 3:04:39 AMI writ a small essay about Torture a long time ago, it was in the beginning of High School and was about as professional and graphically correct as a pre-school crayon drawing, but I did do it! I will read yours and try and see if I'm able to make sense of something out of my clerical range. [quote]Torture is not the use violence to inflict injury for injury’s sake,[/quote] Fix that. Have you mentioned the TV Show 24 at all yet? In my opinion after doing mine, I hinged my thesis on the statement that we use Torture to try and enact some control on someone else in the name of a possibly morally right situation, but ultimately we're bargaining with human lives and we can't begin to speak from a moral high-ground if the first step in our plan has already involved the cruel treatment of others. And some other things after that.