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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
originally posted in:Sol Guardians
9/10/2014 2:31:23 PM
11

Ocba Presents Planethopper's Guide to (Un)Intelligent Life

[b]Greetings Sol Guardian Members! (And all you who see this through your General feed)[/b] I am here to teach you all the things you need to know to transverse the our Sol-ar System and to deal with all the manner of vicious, deadly, eatable monstrosities that have invaded our sector. With this Guide, you'll always know where your towel is, what weaponry to use, and the best way to survive. Leave those electronic watches at home, we need your full attention. And don't mind the mice, they are my assistants and are far more intelligent than you. To start off, I will give you the first entry to this fantastic guide with our first Unintelligent species: [u][b]Guardians[/b][/u]: [i]Mostly Harmless[/i].

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  • [u][b]Shanks[/b][/u]: [i]I had the pleasure of meeting a Shank one time, one that I did not have to kill. It was during a conversation with a friendly Dreg to collect data for the [b]Guide[/b]. He told me that the 'Shank' was actually the mechanicised version of a biological species (it only could only tell me the species name in his native language, so I came up with the Old World name 'Dog' to describe it) that served as their companions. Unfortunately they were Methane-Breathers and could not survive off-planet. Shortly after their expansion into the intergalactic airways, the mech-dogs were militarized into what we witness today as Shanks. Now, S.H.A.N.K. is actually an acronym, which is short for: She's Having Another Nihilistic Kyropractitioner. Some hypothesize that humans were the first to come up with this phrase, others (including myself) believe it to have been a very clever and mischievous Dreg. Like their biological name suggests, these little guys are like attack dogs. You'll never see less than three of them together, they make better Fireteams than some of you readers. they come mounted with a semi-automatic energy rifle that fires fast, little projectiles. Due to their ancestral desire to companionship, these guys will often come up to your face and greet you. A confusing trait since they're optimal at range. If you "pet" them in their flat faces, they will most always stop harassing you. I would guess because they think you're now a friend and so they're comfortable enough to take a nap. [/i]

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