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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
originally posted in:Sol Guardians
9/10/2014 2:31:23 PM
11

Ocba Presents Planethopper's Guide to (Un)Intelligent Life

[b]Greetings Sol Guardian Members! (And all you who see this through your General feed)[/b] I am here to teach you all the things you need to know to transverse the our Sol-ar System and to deal with all the manner of vicious, deadly, eatable monstrosities that have invaded our sector. With this Guide, you'll always know where your towel is, what weaponry to use, and the best way to survive. Leave those electronic watches at home, we need your full attention. And don't mind the mice, they are my assistants and are far more intelligent than you. To start off, I will give you the first entry to this fantastic guide with our first Unintelligent species: [u][b]Guardians[/b][/u]: [i]Mostly Harmless[/i].

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  • Being an expert in all thing mechanical, I have been asked to give my observations on the ones known as Vex. Before going into specifics, I must inform you that the Vex share a single 'mind,' for they are machine and don't possess any real sentience. This 'mind' is divided into sub-partitions; the first of which is the goblin. [u][b]Goblins:[/b][/u] [i]During my study of the mysterious Vex, I wondered why past guardians gave the Goblin such a strange name, obviously the Vex does not name itself. In old world mythology, a goblin was a short, squat creature colored green, grey, or tan that attacked in large numbers. I did not find my answer of why until I finally encountered a Goblin or ten. The Goblins attacked in large numbers and when shot at squat down to protect themselves.... It made sense after that. To figure out why the Goblin would put its CPU in greater harm's way by squatting, I asked a fellow guardian who had some experience fighting them. Human Guardian ID: 10T explained to me in his primative way, "When ya' shoot a Gob in da face, he goes int'a berserker rage." Needing more concrete information, I preformed some experiments of my own and found: When a Goblin's head is blown off, it causes an open circuit in the body which then reroutes power to the other parts of the unit causing the Goblin to perform at 150% combat ability but without tactical cordination. The other half of the squatting mystery lied with the Goblin's power source. Located on the mid-anterior of the Goblin's body is a container filled with a bio-energetic substance. This 'Juicebox' is highly volatile and with enough penetration, can combust causing the Goblin to be blown into only mildly salvagable parts. (The word 'Juicebox' was coin by the editing staff when a Certain Green-Haired Awoken came to the Vex meeting late while sucking on a carton filled with squeezed apple refuse.) It is then assumed that the Goblin is attempting to protect the 'Juicebox' when it performs the squatting motion. Lastly, the 'Mind' controlling the goblin made little sense to me because of the way it controlled the Goblins. I a forced to go to Master Rahool about this conundrum. His insight was, "The Vex single mind does not see a fight as one on a battle field. Rather from an aerial view it commands it's troops. I have come to the conclusion that the Vex thinks like an old world RTS player. Cheap and expendable, the Goblins are the Hand Cannon fodder of the Vex Machine." R.T.S. I am still searching old data for what it means. Unfortunately, the Cryptarchs are very secretive on that. Regardless a downward view of a battlefield might explain why the Goblins always run in groups and never use cover. [/i]

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